One Bad Day

Ivy

Joker's POV

I had to go to Ha-Hacienda, but breaking away from Bats wasn't very easy. I couldn't exactly tell him that I had business to attend to, I deal in nothing but illegal activities. So I had to say that I was going out to buy baby furniture. He probably doubts me, I would, but he didn't stop me. Which leads me to feel paranoid that he's tailing me. Or he's bugged me with a tracking device. Maybe not, but I'm just going to assume that he has. But thats ok, I have a nifty toy of my own that jams all transmissions. If Bats wants to spy on me he's going to have to physically do it himself.

When I get home Frost and I walk into my living room to find it full of henchmen, mouths agape, drooling and starry eyed as they listened to Ivy explain molecular physics. The witch had put them under her pheromone spell. Now they're all smitten and think molecular physics is the most beautiful thing in tge world, second that is to Ivy herself. Stupid love sick fools.

I roll my eyes, "Ivy, what the hell? Come on, stop putting my guys under your witches spell."

"Well it's about time you showed up to explain why you kidnapped me you deranged clown!" Ivy snaps.

I hold my hand up. "Pull the thorns out of your ass and follow me," I say and start up the stairs. I look back to make sure shes following and watch as the spell is broken over my men. They just look around at one another confused. They have no clue what's just happened to them.

I take the Plant to my office. I politely open the door for her and motion her inside. She walks past me, glaring at me like I was a bug on one of her fucking plants. I ignore it and sit behind my desk. I fold my hands on the top and peer at her.

"Get to talking clown or I'm out of here. The only reason I stay this long is because your head trained monkey said someone might be after me. Though I don't know what you get out of any of it..."

"Harley was kidnapped by Victor Zsasz. Riddler was the one paying him to do it," I blurt out.

"Oh my god, Harley..." Ivy clutches her chest.

"She's fine now. I got her back. But while they had her..." my eyes fall on my hands and I find it difficult to speak the words.

"Not the baby..." Ivy mutters.

"No...the baby is perfectly fine," I say. I stiffen in my chair. I run my hand through my hair. "Zsasz...raped her."

She's filled with horror and rage, though she contains it better than I. "And you need my help to kill him?" Her eyes light up.

"No," I sigh, "would you stop interrupting me? I need you because I know you have something that Riddler wants back. You're...bait. But in being my bait, I assure you, no one will be killing you except me," I smile. "So what did you take from Nygma?"

"Nothing of any concern to you. A serum. A serum that in my hands can enhance the potency of my precious plants. But in Riddler's clutches it's his serum that stabalizes him as Nygma," she explained.

"Well he's definitely going to want that back. And where is it? I want it here."

"I hid it. I can tell some of your men, they can go grab it, bring it back here."

"Fine," I nod, and truthfully, it feels strange to agree on something with Ivy.

Ivy gives me a strange look. She leans forward and looks into my eyes. "You're...different. Is it the drug I helped you with?"

"Uh...no, I stopped taking it a few weeks ago. Through therapy Harley was able to integrate my Jack personality with the rest. I guess you can say I have a fraction of humanity that perhaps I once didn't."

"Is Zsasz dead?" Ivy then asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Soon," I nod. She just nods back.

"So where is Harley?" She shrugs.

"Um...she's in an undisclosed location. I can't compromise her safety by telling you. But I hope to bring her home by the end of the week. I would have had her home sooner, but the doctor advised against moving her for a few weeks."

"Wait," Ivy says suddenly, "why? Why did the doctor advise her to not be moved? What are you leaving out? What else happened to her besides...besides..."

I just look at her with a poker face, but it's no use. I feel the tears working up in my eyes. I grind my teeth with a growl, "Zsasz tried to kill the baby. He slashed her stomach open. Luckily it...it didn't harm the baby. But Harley almost bled out from it. Luckily Bats drove us to ..." I immediately stop realizing what a huge slip of the lip I just made.

Ivy raises an eyebrow, "Wait, what did you say about the Bat?"

"Huh?" I play dumb, "I didn't say bat."

"Oh yes you did! I completely heard you! The Bat drove you?? Drove you where?" She demands.

I sigh and run my hand over my face. I can't lie nearly as well as I used to. Naturally, I blame Jack. "Oh alright! So the Bat helped me save Harley, ok?" I say, almost as if I'm embarrassed.

"Batman...helped you?" She just shakes her head, "I don't think I even want to know how you managed that one. So go on, the Bat played your personal hero. What else?"

"And that's where Harley is now."

"At Batman's? Like his house?" She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me like shes getting mad or something.

"Yes. Come on, who the hell would ever think to look for her there? It's genius."

"Ok, so what am I supposed to do until you and Harley come back?" She sighs.

I smile, "Well consider yourself lady of the house, but please do keep the potted plants to a minimum. And stop playing with the men. They can't protect you all hopped up on your goofballs. I know you can't refrain completely, so kindly limit it to three at a time please."

She rolls her eyes, "Fine," and thrusts her hand out for me to shake it. I put my hand in hers and feel a strong jolt of electricity go up my arm. Ivy brings her hand up with a smirk and shows me one of my own altered joy buzzers. "Ha! Someone found the clowns props! How's it feel?"

I just laugh, "That was actually funny."