One Bad Day

Begging

Joker's POV

I should have known better than to have a wedding. I should have expected that someone would target Harley. She's my Achilles heel, and the Riddler was trying to use her against me. He wants to kill the bat, what criminal in Gotham doesnt? I don't exactly understand how I fit into whatever he's planning. I didn't  want to kill bat boy. Without bats, theres no need for the Joker. Without bats I'd just be your average run of the mill psychopath. What the hell would I do with myself without our game? I'm not a criminal for my own personal gain, I'm a criminal just to draw in Batsy's attention. I wanted him to kill me. It would prove my one bad day theory. Plus there would finally be an end to my suffering, and to the suffering that I've caused others.

And right now, as I sit alone behind my desk, gun in hand, I'm seriously contemplating placing this gun to my temple and pulling the trigger. I should have done it twenty years ago. I can't survive the loss of another wife or child. I know I'm not a good person and I know that I don't deserve things like love and happiness and a family. But I did so desperately want them. Even if  deep down I always knew Karma would take a chunk of any shred of happiness I ever had. I guess I deemed it worth it just for a tiny split second of feeling love.

I know I try not to let love complicate my life, but unfortunately, even a monsterous psycho like me has those feelings deep down inside. And no matter how much I hate and kill, I'm still never successful in eradicating love from my soul. I think everyone has a curse inside of them. My curse is that I long for the love of people I don't deserve. I've put Harley through hell. I've hit her. I've belittled her. I've bound and tortured her. How can she still love me? How can she want a family with me?

I feel a tear of regret roll down my cheek. I look at the gun in my hand. The world would be a better place without the likes of me. Harley and the baby would have a better life without me in it. I draw in a breath and close my eyes. I  slowly raise my gun to my head. Hot tears squeeze out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks. My finger wraps around the trigger. If I'm dead the Riddler has no use for Harley. So I  start applying pressure to the trigger.

"Boss, no!" A voice calls out from the door.

I open my eyes and see Frost looking at me with big eyes full of worry. "Leave," I say without moving my gun away.

"Boss, don't do it. I know you think it'll help, but it won't. If you die whats to stop Nygma from killing Harley out of spite because you ruined his plans?"

I narrow my eyes and stare at him. I  didn't want to listen to reason. But Frost was right. The Riddler would kill her. He couldn't just let her go. He wouldn't want another enemy running around free.

"I think I have a plan boss. Please just put the gun down and hear me out," he says carefully.

I slowly lower my gun and can hear his sigh of relief. "What plan?" I ask.

"Well I was wondering why The Riddler would need you for his plan to kill Batman. I think he suspects, or he's figured out that you know the true identity of Batman."

"How could anyone know that I know who he is? The only other person who knows is you. Did you tell?" I ask and loosely aim my gun towards him.

"No boss. I think he hacked your files. There's zero documentation of it, but there is a journal like entry where you state that you know who he is."

I try to remember what I had written. "Why are you in my private files Frost?"

"Just trying to understand the Riddler's motives. And I think thats it. He wants you to tell him who Batman is so he can go after him and kill him when hes not in his protective bat suit."