One Bad Day

Hello Old Friend

Joker's POV

It's the first time I've been in the room as Harley's live in OB/GYN conducts a sonogram. Twenty years ago a sonogram image was quite expensive. I didn't have the money for Jeannie to have any. This time I can provide anything. Money is no object.

I'm fascinated by the image on the screen. The doctor point everything out and says the baby is developing just fine and everything is on schedule. She hits a button and the sound of the baby's heartbeat fills the room. It sounded like something banging on wood underwater. It was remarkably fast, but the doctor assured me that it was perfectly normal. In fact, she says it's perfectly safe to travel to Hawaii.

Then she floored me...

"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"

Harley looks at me with a big grin, "Do you wanna know puddin?"

I didn't know. On one hand I would know if I should invest in blue or pink baby furniture. But on the other hand, I would be taking away the surprise. It being a surprise seemed to have a strange sort of romanticism to it.

"No," I say softly, "I don't wish to destroy the surprise." Harley just smiles and nods at the doctor.

She ends the examination and I leave the room. I go shower and get dressed. As I comb back my wet hair I look at my reflection in the mirror closely. The scars on my face told too clear of a story about my life. Explosions, wrecks, fights, bullets, knives... I looked like a man that's been in a lot of bad shit. I looked like a menace.

In Gotham every man, woman, and child knows this face, fears this face. Here, the way I look is irrelevant. Here I'm reveered. Here no one is stupid enough to make a wise crack about how I look. But outside of Gotham was another story. They wouldn't know what a force of nature I am. They wouldn't know that I could kill them and make a toast with their blood. Maybe Jack can avoid trouble, but I can't count on that. I might be changing, but I'm far from cured.

My eyes fall down to the counter and on Harley's makeup. I see a human flesh tone foundation and know what I have to do. I pull on my jacket and go downstairs.

"Frost, there's something I have to do downtown before I leave for Hawaii. I'm going to need one of the men for security."

"Yes Boss, I will go myself. Aces can manage things here for now."

I nod and walk outside and get into the back seat of my black Escalade. Frost gets up front next to the driver.

"Where to Mr. J?" The driver asks.

"622, south first," I say and stare out the window.

*************
When we get there Frost looks up at the building then turns around to look at me over his shoulder, "Boss? What are you doing?"

"I can't go to Hawaii looking like some albino freak Johnny."

He nods and steps out of the vehicle and opens my door. I walk into the building. I approach the desk. The girl working it has her back to me doing something else under the counter.

"Welcome to Sunless Glows, how can I help you today?" She stands and turns to face me with a smile on her face. The second she sees me she jumps with a gasp.

I smile brightly, "Yes. I need you to make me look just like you. And if you turn me into an Oompa Loompa, I will take your skin and wear it as my own."

She quickly gets me into a room. She gives me a shower hat to put over my hair and sets a timer that gives me enough time to strip down to nothing. Then I stand there as a gentle mist sprays me down. I have used makeup to cover my skin color a few times, but it always ends up everywhere it didn't need to be. I don't know how women deal with it. I've never tried this before. I wasn't sure if it would work. The very nervous employee from the counter told me that since I have no pigmentation that she would have to combine several different tones to give me a life like appearance.

When it was over I got dressed and avoided the mirror. I was almost afraid to look. What if it didn't work? It what if it did? I straightened my collar and braced myself for whatever the mirror would reveal. I turned around slowly. I closed my eyes and faced my body in front of the mirror. I slowly open my eyes. My lips part, my jaw almost threatening to gape. I run my fingers down my cheek and nothing comes off or changes. I slowly turn my head side to side. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Hello Jack. It's been a long time."

****************
When I walked through the door of Ha-Hacienda my men looked at me in complete shock. So had Johnny when he saw me.

"Boss? I-is that you?" Aces asks skeptically, looking at my face closely.

"Does it look bad?" I ask.

"No. You look so... normal. It's just a shock boss."

I walk to the mirror over the fireplace and pull out a pair of high quality stick on eyebrows. I had used them everytime I tried to look more normal. I placed them perfectly and stared at myself. I got flashes in my head of Jack straightening his clothes for work. A flash of his smile as Jeannie would kiss him goodbye. My face looked exactly the same as the memory...well, except for the psychadelic green hair. Dying it doesn't work. I've tried several times. It just turns a different shade of green. It wouldn't absorb the color. But I owned a dark brown wig. I went upstairs and found it in storage. I look in a hallway mirror and slide it on over my green hair. I blink at my reflection. Now I was the man in my memories. I was Jack Napier. But I didn't feel like Jack. I don't suppose I ever will again. Too much time has passed, too many things have happened.

Now it was time for the true test. I opened my bedroom door and walked inside. Harley was zipping a suitcase.

"Harls?"

"Oh Mistah J," she smiles and turns around. Her jaw falls open and she freezes, "Puddin?"

I look down at the carpet and nod. "I... I just didn't want people to stare and... I don't want to have to kill anyone on our honeymoon. Do you not like it? It's not permanent."

"You look amazing," she says in awe as she approaches me closely. Her fingertips trace one of my fake eyebrows and the side of my face. "You look so different. Your so handsome Mistah J. Is this how you used to look?"

I nod. "This is what Jack looked like."

"I love you no matter how you look, but this," she takes a step back and looks me over, "I'm gonna have to fight off all the women who are gonna notice how good looking you are."

I pull her close, "Don't worry baby, I only have eyes for my wife."