Broken Promises {Brendon Urie}

Chapter 15

I couldn't take it anymore. I just sat on floor in tears, unable to control myself. Brendon sat in his wheelchair in front of me, the clipboard still in his lap.

"Sarah," Brendon whispered. 

"No, Brendon! Don't! Don't make excuses!" I sobbed.

"I know, Sarah," he sighed. "I shouldn't have gotten mad like that. I shouldn't have yelled at her. Or you. I'm sorry."

"You're right, you shouldn't have yelled at her," I cried. "And you should be sorry. But I can't deal with this right now, Brendon." I got up, grabbed my purse, and walked away. I needed to get away from him. Just for a bit. I was still crying when I knocked on the door. It opened and Breezy was standing there.

"Sarah, honey, what happened?" She asked, pulling me inside and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Where's Brendon?" I cried harder and Dallon looked up from watching his kids. The smile on his face disappeared.

"Sarah?" he asked. Breezy led me to the bed and I sat on the side next to Dallon. He rubbed my back and Breezy took my bag and set it aside. 

"Honey, tell us what happened," Breezy said. 

"It happened so fast," I sobbed. "Brendon was mad and yelling. I had to yell back because he wouldn't listen. She was fine, and then she wasn't. I don't know what's going to happen." 

"What was he yelling about, Sarah?" Dallon asked.

"The papers," I cried. "The stupid papers. He was yelling about the stupid papers."

"Sarah, what were the papers about? Why was he yelling about papers?"

"We were sitting with Rilynn," I cried. "The surgeons wanted to take her to surgery in a couple of days to work on her spine. They're hoping that they can give her feeling back in her body so she'll be able to move again. But to do the surgery, they needed us both to sign papers allowing them to do it, since she's a minor. I signed the papers because Rilynn said she wanted the surgery and I believe she can make her own decisions about how she wants to live her life. 

"I handed the papers to Brendon to sign and he wouldn't sign them. He kept saying that the surgery sounded too risky. He didn't want her to have the surgery. Rilynn was practically begging him to sign the papers and he yelled at her. He yelled at her, so I yelled back. We were fighting because he was yelling at her about signing some stupid papers. And then she just, wasn't okay."

"Where's Brendon now, Sarah?" Dallon asked. Anger laced his voiced.

"I don't know," I cried. "I left him down there, outside Rilynn's room. I left because he was being impossible and I couldn't try to reason with him while doctors and nurses were running in and out of Rilynn's room. And her monitors were beeping so loud, I could hear them from the hall. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. Oh god, I left her. I left her all alone. I'm such a terrible mother. How could I have thought I could handle being a mother?" I put my head in my hands and just sobbed uncontrollably.

"Sarah, you are not a terrible mother," Breezy whispered. " If anything, you are an amazing mother. You're just having a hard day. We get it. It's tough on you, and Brendon's upset because of what happened. He's not thinking straight. All he can think about is that Rilynn was in that car with him. Rilynn was sitting right next to him when they were run into from the side. He's upset because he has to watch her struggle."

"Then why can't he just sign the goddamn papers so she can get better," I sobbed. Then I realized the kids were still in the room. "God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have cursed."

"Sarah, it's okay, you don't have to worry about them," Dallon said, rubbing my back while I cried. He looked over at Amelie and Knox. "Kids, don't listen to Aunt Sarah. She's just upset right now, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," six-year-old Amelie said. "Can we go get a snack from the snack machine down the hall?"

"Sure, honey," Breezy said. She dug in her purse and handed Amelie a $5 bill. "Can you get a drink for Sarah while you're down there? Just a water. And keep a close eye on your brother. Don't let him wander off."

"Okay, Mommy," Amelie replied, taking the cash and her brother's hand. The two walked out and closed the door behind them. I just sat on the bed and sobbed. Dallon and Breezy tried to help me calm down, but my sobbing was uncontrollable. When the door opened and I heard a familiar voice, I looked up. Brendon was in the doorway.

"I figured you'd come back here," he whispered.

"Brendon, you shouldn't be here right now," Breezy said. 

"I came to talk to my wife," he said sternly.

"Brendon, please, just give her some space," Dallon said. 

I squeezed Dallon's hand. "It's okay, Dal," I whispered. 

I slowly got up to talk to Brendon. I could tell he was still not convinced that Rilynn should get the surgery. I was going to at least try to change his mind in a civil manner. We walked outside the room and he stopped in the hall.

"They had to take her into surgery," he whispered. "The brain damage was more extensive than they thought. They had to go in and fix the damage."

"Did you sign the papers?" I asked.

"No," he replied.

"Brendon, you need to sign the papers," I said. "Rilynn wants you to sign them. You need to think of her, Brendon. Do you want to be the reason she's miserable."

Brendon was so stubborn. Once he had made up his mind about something, it was hard to change his mind. It was annoying, but right now he needed to think of Rilynn. He needed to put his stubbornness behind him. He needed to realize that this surgery would leave Rilynn with the best chances of living a normal life.

"Sarah, please, don't go there," he sighed.

"Clearly I have to go there, because you won't listen to me any other way," I replied. "I want what's best for our daughter. And if you do too, you'll sign the papers and let her get the surgery. It'll give her her best chance at living a normal life and doing the things she loves. She wants to play music, Bren, and she can't do that if she's paralyzed."

"Sarah, please, do we have to talk about this now?"

"If we don't talk about it now, then when will we?" I asked. 

"Seriously, Sarah?" Brendon sighed.

"Seriously, Brendon? You want to continue to put her through pain?" I felt the built up rage seeping through. He was being impossible. He wasn't thinking about how it could help her. He was only thinking about the risks of the surgery; about what could happen if it didn't go right. "Brendon, this could help her! If we don't let her get the surgery, she'll hate us for not giving her the chance!"

He sighed after a moment of silence. "Sarah, you know I love her and want what's best for her, but I also don't want to lose her. I don't want her to die because I let her get a surgery that didn't have a 100% success rate. I didn't want to have to bear the weight of her death because I let her get an experimental surgery, when she could have lived without the surgery. Don't you understand, Sarah? I don't want our little girl to die."

"You would rather her live in a wheelchair unable to do the things she loves, than let her have a chance at a normal life?" I asked.

"Well when you put it that way, I sound like a dick," he replied, a shadow of a smile on his face.

"Sometimes you are a dick," I said with a smirk.

*So what'd y'all think? This'll only last like 5 or 6 more chapters and then we'll be moving on to something else. I'm actually really surprised I got this edited and published. My first day of school was yesterday and it didn't exactly go as well as I'd hoped. I don't really want to talk about it, so please don't ask unless I've already said something to you. I will try and see if I can get more chapters done, but don't expect anything. I'm not sure how much writing I'll get done while worrying about school and everything, but I'll try. Anyway, I wish y'all well! 

Much love,

A <3