Broken Promises {Brendon Urie}

Chapter 33

~Brendon~

It's hard having Rilynn on tour with us while Sarah's back home. I'm never sure if I'm doing it right. I always feel like she's afraid to tell me stuff. I see her lying in her bunk on her phone and wonder if there's something she wants to tell me, but is scared to. I'm constantly hoping and praying that Rilynn doesn't think I'm the shitty dad I think I am. I constantly ask Dallon if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm being a good father, if she seems happy.

"Brendon, she's happier here than she ever was in her foster home," he said one night when I was really upset about it. Rilynn has gone to bed almost an hour ago and we sat up talking. "You know that she's happier. You heard what Sarah said about her being at school. She hates it there when you aren't home. When you aren't there, she misses you. She misses you to the point that her teachers are concerned about her abilities in class. If that isn't a sign that you're doing something right, I don't know what is."

"I just feel like I'm doing something wrong," I sighed. "Maybe I should have made her go back with Sarah. She needs to go to school. She can't go without an education."

"If you're that worried about it, talk to Sarah about homeschooling her," Dallon suggested. "Then she could be with you all the time, even on tour, and you wouldn't have to worry about her education or how she's doing in school. You'd have it all right there. Or online schooling. I know they have those online schools for kids who have trouble around others. I think maybe that'd be something worth looking into. I know if Amelie or Knox had the same problems at school that Rilynn has, I'd definitely discuss it with Breezy. You only want what's best for her, I know you do."

"Yeah, I'll talk to Sarah about it when we get home," I sighed. "That's a good idea. Thanks. She'll just have to deal with school until we figure something else out. I still feel like there's something wrong. Some thing she won't tell me. Has she talked to you about anything lately?"

"Well, she heard us arguing a few nights ago," he sighed. "About Spencer's drinking. She didn't know what we were arguing about, but she said it scared her. She thought about her foster parents arguing while she was supposed to be sleeping. She just had a little freak out moment, but I made sure she was okay before taking her back to bed. She told me not to tell you because she didn't want you to worry, so don't ask her about it. I just think it's something you should know about."

I let out a long sigh. "What if she's heard us arguing more than once?" I asked. "What if she's heard all these arguments and she bottling everything up inside?"

"She'll be okay," Spencer interjected. "She's a strong kid. She'll be okay."

On the last day of tour, while Rilynn was in her bunk on her phone, Dallon and I pulled Spencer outside to talk to him. He looked at us curiously and Dallon and I glanced at each other. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. I handed it to Spencer.

"Spence, you have a problem," I said. "A serious problem. You need help. Take some time away from the stress of the band and touring and get some help. This is the number of a therapist who has agreed to help you out. Just give her a call when you get home. Please. We don't want you to keep hurting yourself like this."

"Okay, I get it, I have a problem," Spencer sighed. "I can't help it. Ever since the crash. . . I don't know. I'll call her and see how much she can actually help." He shoved the slip of paper into his jeans pocket and walked back into the bus. I glanced at Dallon, sighed, and followed Spencer. He walked back to bunks and I heard him talking to Rilynn.

The day at the airport, when we were ready to go our separate ways, Rilynn hugged Spencer tightly. She burrowed her face into the front of his jacket and whispered something, but it was muffled. I made eye contact with Spencer and we shared a look. I let Rilynn hug him for little longer before I cleared my throat.

"Ri, honey, we've got to get going if we're going to make it to the plane on time," I said gently. She let go of Spencer, nodded, and hugged Dallon and Kenny briefly before attaching herself to my side.

"I'll see you soon, Baby Urie," Dallon said before heading for his plane. Spencer gave me a sad smile before waving to Rilynn and walking off. Kenny soon disappeared into the crowd of people, off to board his plane home, leaving Rilynn, Zack, and I alone in the crowd of people. I smiled down at Rilynn and we headed for our plane back to LA. When we made it to the gate, we gave them our tickets and found our seats. 

"Rilynn, I know you've been having trouble at school," I mentioned when we'd sat down and got organized. "I was wondering what you thought about being homeschooled or joining an online schooling program? I still have to talk to Mom about it, but I thought it might be a better idea. That way you can still go on tour with us and everything." She only nodded. "You'll still have to go to school at the local public school until we talk about what we want to do. But I'll be home and we can help you with homework and school and all that, okay?" Another nod. I bit the inside of my lip before looking out the window. 

I wasn't sure what I could have done for her. I didn't know anything about how her mind worked. I was clueless about it all. These first several months with Rilynn had been a crazy ride full of ups and downs. But I won't complain, because I still loved my daughter with all my heart, and I would do anything for her. She was the light of my life, right alongside Sarah. Without them, I don't know what kind of person I'd be or where I'd be. Sarah gave me a reason to keep going when we got married. She gave me inspiration when I felt like I couldn't write music anymore. She reminded me that there's more to life than the band, no matter how big of part it played in my life.

After adopting Rilynn, I knew what my dad meant all those times I questioned him about all the decisions he made for me, and he always replied by saying "You'll understand when you're a father." Rilynn was the light of my life, I would do anything for her, and I want her to be happy and healthy no matter what. Even if I had to die to keep her safe, I would do it in a heartbeat. She was my entire world. I loved her more than anything else in the entire world. And I always would. But I'd never break another promise to her. Never.