infatuated | fillie

twenty five

tell me that it's all ok
ive been waiting on this all damn day
im here
but don't count on me to stay
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She was compelling in more ways that one, she was gracious, timid and had an absolutely outstanding personality that couldn't be summed up within one word. She was breathtaking, he felt like he couldn't breathe around her, like it was a majorly humid day and the air was wet and hot. Exactly like the air that's within a butterfly enclosure, hard to breathe in and that's the only way he could describe being within her company.

But when his mind was set on the fact that she wasn't telling him something about what could've potentially happened with Jacob, the lump in his throat formed and he tried to swallow it down but his pride wouldn't allow it. He was succumbed by an overwhelming sense of urgency for the truth.

So when his feet was taking him to where Millie was sat, it felt like he was walking for hours even though the walk was a mere 9 seconds max.

Shall he do this here? At school? His body told him yes, to jump at the chance and demand a explanation as to what Jacob was implying. But, he decided to swallow his words, his mouth was open and the words lingered on an unmoving tongue, desperate to be let free. He didn't want to cause a scene in school, he didn't want to be the talk of the school or part of the major gossip that was spread daily.

"I don't feel well." Finn managed to mutter out when he finally reached the table that was occupied by his friends every lunch. "I'm going home." And with that, he picked up his backpack and walked towards the reception, signing out as sick and just walked out the doors. He didn't even look at her then, it's obvious she's going to know what's going on, that this attitude is just more than exam stress. He was...he was just emotionless. Blank. He didn't know what to feel and quite frankly he didn't want to. He didn't want to skip to conclusions and make himself feel worse and he was probably overreacting but to him it felt devastating.

While he drove away in his car, he tried to convince himself that what Jacob was saying was absolutely bullshit. It was bullshit that came from an undivided, weak little boy who prayed on getting what they want. Finn didn't even know what Jacob was implying, although it was fairly obvious. Quite frankly, Finn was doing an OK job at calming himself down as his hands didn't feel so clammy anymore and he was able to see more clearer.

He was going to speak about it to her tonight, he wasn't going to prolong it like a child. The whole ride home, he tried to draft up a conversation in his mind. When he decided to give up, he turned the volume on loud, the car vibrated and he forgotten about Millie for a few seconds before Post Malone came on the radio which was their favourite artist.

every time we make up
the truth is fading
everybody's blind when the views amazing
damn who are we right now?
can we have
a little conversation?
figure it out, with no intoxication
we carry on,
what is our motivation?
we're never wrong, how the hell are we gonna make it?
maybe we're used to this
tell me, what are we to do?
it's like we only play to lose
chasing pain with an excuse
i love that shit and so do you

Finn sighed, turning over to a different channel while turning the corner to his street.

Millie, on the other hand, was motionless. This time, she knew it was about her, she felt it in her gut and knowing Finn, he wouldn't walk out of school unless he was extremely bothered by something. She was nervous, she wondered what in the actual hell could the problem be.

Did she upset him in anyway? She didn't think so.

"Hey, Millie." Noah said, gaining her attention from the other side of the table. Millie looked up, snapping out of whatever daydream she was having, giving Noah her undivided attention.

"Is Finn okay?"

"Yeah." Millie lied. "He's just stressed about finals."

Noah nodded, hesitating a little before turning back to his food and finishing off his conversation with Gaten. Millie felt bad for lying, but she didn't know what it was herself, what actually bothered him.

Throughout the rest of the day, Millie couldn't focus. Her mind shifted and the tiny voice at the back of her head kept reminding her that she was the reason why Finn was bothered. He seemed perfectly fine before he went to the bathroom, unless he didn't like how his hair looked in the stall mirrors then she couldn't think of one reason why he'd walk away like that.

It was playing on her mind, eating at her to the point where she kept tapping her black pen on the wooden desk, only to be looked at foully by the teacher from across the room. She muttered a small 'sorry' before looking at the clock for the 17th time that period. It was her last class and she couldn't wait to leave.

Time went by slowly, Millie sighed in utter relief when the bell made her jump from her sad little trance. She was over thinking it, but she had every right to. Her boyfriend walked out of school, seemingly annoyed by something that she picked up on the night before.

She nearly tripped on her way out, squeezing and pushing past the crowd of students by the schools doors. She felt bad not saying goodbye to Sadie or her other friends but they probably picked up on the situation. She definitely knew that Noah didn't buy her lie, not even for a second, on one hand she found it admirable how her friends knew her so well but on the other hand it somewhat felt like a curse.

While she drove up to Finn's drive, she furrowed her eyebrows to the sight of Finn's car nowhere to be found. She still parked up, her heart fluttering like a butterfly while she knocked on the door once, twice, three times and still had no answer.

She walked back to her car, sitting in it for a while before putting her forehead on the steering wheel as she let out an irritating grunt. She then sat up, sweeping her hair out of her face before starting up the engine and drove towards her home.

She found herself getting irritated at the boy, why walk away if something was bothering him? Why didn't he pull her on it straight away, especially if it was about her or if it was bound to edge a slight problem into their relationship. Finn might have his reasons and she wouldn't get mad until she heard them but for now, she kept questioning why he walked away instead of diffusing the situation as soon as he was bothered by - whatever he was bothered about.

She fell nervous when she spotted his car in the drive and was a bit relieved when she didn't see any sign of her parents being home considering their cars weren't there.

While walking up to her house and turning the door knob, with every step her mouth became dry and she didn't know weather it was anticipation, nervousness or determination to find out what was wrong. She hoped she was completely misunderstanding the whole thing, that she was overthinking everything and that she actually wasn't the problem at all.

She wished.

But, it wasn't the case, not at all.