Smells Like Nirvana

Chapter 30

Thoughtless

By the time her mind caught up with her brain, she thought for a moment.

"Brian. Are you sure about this? I mean, people DIE doing this sort of stuff."

"Oh ya. I'm sure and I know you'll love it."

She looked down in her lap, fidgeting with her fingers and her purse handle. Remembering her conversations with Michael as she glanced out the window.

He always wanted to take her skydiving but she always told him no. She didn't trust the other jumpers, and she didn't trust the pack.

Accidents happen.

"Brian... I..." she started, only to be cut off by Brian's understanding words.

"Look, Scarlett... if you don't want to, I can't make you."

She just had this horrible guilt in the pit of her stomach. She felt bad. Like she was betraying Michael by doing this.

She could picture herself doing this... Enjoying it even. But the smile she wanted to see, and the arms she wanted comforting her, she wanted them to be Michael's. With his bright squinty blue eyes and his pearly white smile as he laughs from adrenaline and excitement. 

"Brian... I can't do this. Can you just take me back to the hotel?"

"Of course. I'm sorry if I did something to upset you. I didn't mean to. I thought you'd like it. You seem like the adventurous type."

But she wasn't. She was so not the adventurous type. She was the play it safe type.

She realized, that even though she really liked Brian, he didn't really know that much about her. Not really. And she didn't really know him. And what was the point anyways! She's leaving to go home soon and she'll probably never see him again.

She wanted to go back to the hotel and forget all about him.

Yes, he was sweet...

Yes, he was good looking... 

Yes, he was every girls dream in a guy. But he wasn't her dream guy.

Her dream guy, was currently at band practice probably. It's just too bad she wasn't his dream girl.

Neither of them said a word for the ride back. It was really awkward.

The silence... it was deafening.

As they pulled into her hotel parking lot, Brian got out of the car and came running to her door to open it.

"Thank you Brian. And no. You didn't do anything wrong. I just... it's my mind. But it's not you. I promise."

As he helped her out of the car, she lightly kissed his cheek.

"Do you want me to walk you up?" He closed the door behind her, careful not to catch her arms as she pulled them and her purse up to her chest.

"Sure. That would be nice."

They walked up to her room, and as they got to her door, Scarlett opened it and turned to say something.

She squinted her eyes, and with a slight tilt to her head, she then smiled up to him.

"I'm sorry I've been weird today. I've got alot going on. I hope I didn't ruin your day."

She smiled and did a sort of curtsy with her toes in a circle.

"You could never ruin anything. Only make it better."

He walked up to her, and kissed her cheek, gave her a hug and smiled and he turned around and left.

Opening the door, she looked to see Crystal and Liam on the couch, and Michael on the chair.

"I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."

Then she scooted off to her room. Upset at herself for ruining Brian's surprise.

She should have just done it! The exhilleration she would have felt! Nothing bad would have happened, she knew that. But she couldn't get this feeling out of her chest.

Out of her heart.

She was doing it again.

The last time it was with Ryan, she broke it off with him because she was still hung up on Michael. Now she is ending things with Brian because of her feelings for Michael.

He sure was a problem for her. She knew that Michael was either the best thing for her, or the worst. But until he saw that she was something to him... they couldn't be together.

She deserves better than coming in second place to his band. He will always think what he is doing is the right thing. No matter what the truth is.

His music will always come first.

Always