Smells Like Nirvana

Chapter 31

Conversations With Myself

Michael went from a sitting position to a standing position while Crystal and Liam continued to watch their video of the coral reef they were going to go swimming around tomorrow. They wanted to know all the dangers about that little area.

As Michael began to pace, walking near Scarlett's door.

"Should I go talk to her?"

He finally says almost in an exasperated tone. Slapping his hand on his leg. Which was better than his previous action of biting his nails.

"No, Michael. I think she wants to be left alone."

Crystal spouted, then went back to watching her video.

Michael nodded his head, and began thinking...

Wondering...

Why was she home early? She wasn't due back for a while, that was why he was there. He didn't want to bump into her and ruin her time there.

Because he did love her and he wanted her happy and he knew he couldn't give her what she wanted.

More than anything he wanted to be that guy for her. However they had different priorities at the moment and even though he wanted to put her first, music was his life! He knew, that when he could put her first, he would know he was ready to handle life. He was using music as an escape. He couldn't be in reality. Not his reality. He had nothing going for him at home.

Nothing.

Except for Scarlett, and he was pretty sure she didn't want to be a part of that.

"I'm going to go talk to her."

Michael had decided, as he walked toward her door.

Though Crystal had just enough time to jump up and stand in his way, placing her hand palm out against his chest.

"Michael. I said no. Leave her alone."

As Crystal looked at him with a stern look and an eyebrow curving up above her eye...

"Let him come in."

Startled, Crystal and Michael both jumped at the sound of Scarlett yelling from her room.

"Well then. I suppose the Queen has spoken."

Crystal said as she scooted out of Michael's way, letting him near the door.

Walking in to her room, Michael noticed the soulful look in Scarlett's eyes as she looked up to him. Heartbroken.

He knew that look. That's the look she reserved for his heartbreaks. No one was allowed to hurt her.

If he so much as...

He thought to himself.

She looked back down to her lap as she sat indian style on her flowered comforter and picked at her fingernails.

Just another thing she does when she is upset.

"Are you ok?"

She sat for a moment after he asked her, looking up at him and opening her lips for a few seconds at a time like she was going to say something but then thought better of it and changed her mind.

Finally, looking up at him she has less of a look of despair and more of a look of disappointment.

"No Michael. I am not ok."

She began to stand up, which immediately got Michael moving towards the door, thinking he was coming to help her after she said he could come in, but clearly she didn't want to see him.

"Sit down Michael. We need to talk."

Michael's pov

Sitting down was the easy part. It was listening to what she had to say that was the hard part. It made me uneasy, but I knew I needed to hear it.

As I pulled the chair from over by the window, dragging it to be in front of her, Scarlett sat near the edge of the bed.

Her blonde hair was up in a tight bun, and she was in her Scooby-Doo pj's, with her Felix the Cat slippers on her feet.

This is my favorite look on her. This look, not many people saw the 'raw' side of her. Make-up off and still just as beautiful as the first day I saw her.

This woman...

She will always hold my heart.

While music holds my mind.

Looking into her eyes as she begins to speak, I can see a slight sparkle, as a tear forms and falls to her cheek.

The love I have for her yearns to catch it before it falls, however the hurt I've caused her keeps me from touching her.

Knowing I don't deserve to touch her.