Thorns in the Heart

Broken (EDIT #2)

A/N Shoutout to @houseofmirrors for making my new cover!!! I love it!!! What do y'all think??

"I'm sorry, Ash, I don't think I can do long distance. You will be here while I am 3,000 miles away." I tell Ash as we sit under the stars on my front porch. I can't handle what would happen if something were to go wrong. I have no idea what new adventures I would be getting into. I've heard many stories of people cheating at college parties because they get too hammered to know their left from their right. College is the time to explore and do stupid things; there are many people to meet and new adventures. I don't want to be held back. Don't get me wrong, I love Ash with all of my heart. He will disapprove of the adventures I want to experience in California.

"Xorina, please don't do this. I love you. I can't live without you in my life. I need you in my life. Please don't do this." I could see the tears welling in his chocolate eyes. I could see the tears glistening from the street lights. I used to be able to look into those eyes for hours, but right now, all I can do is turn away so that I can do what I have to do.

"I'm sorry. But I can't do this. Please let me go." I feel my throat swelling, and I can feel my eyes getting full. I love you. But I can't tell him that; if I do, I know he won't let me go.

He grabs my face and says, "Look at me. Tell me this is what you want and convince me; if you do, I will let you go."

It takes everything in me to look him in the eyes, "I don't love you anymore. Let me go if you love me like you say you do." My voice is barely a whisper. I hope that was convincing.

"That didn't convince me. Your voice was barely above a whisper. Why are you trying to push me away?"

I'm starting to get desperate. I have to convince him. "Why can't you just drop it?" I ask with anger in my voice. "Don't you get it? I don't want you to hold me back when I am living my best life in college. While you do what? Nothing? Sit at home and live off your dad? I want to meet new people and do new things. You don't have a sense of adventure. That is not the life I want." I saw the pain flash across his face. He used to say that he thought he was holding me back. I never thought that or believed it, but I knew this would be what it takes to get him to let me go.

He let go of my face and looked away from me, "Goodbye, Xo."

He turns to walk to his car; I watch as his tall figure walks away from me. As soon as he gets into his truck, he speeds off in the direction of his home. I sit on the porch and watch as his car drives away from me forever. I feel my heart breaking into pieces. I just told the love of my life goodbye forever. When I realize his car will not turn around and return to me, tears slowly fall down my face. My chest is starting to feel heavy, and it's hard to breathe. I get up from the porch to sulk to my room, doing the only thing I can do, cry myself to sleep. I will never be able to run my fingers through his blond curly hair, never be able to melt at the way he calls me Xo. Never be able to look into his chocolate eyes and never be able to taste his lips again.*****************************************************************************************As I start waking up, I can barely open my eyes because my tears have glued my eyelids closed. I slowly slide out of bed and shower, using the hot water to relax and unstick my eyes. I hope the hot water will erase the evidence that I cried all night. I hardly slept; I tossed and turned to a comfortable position where my heart didn't hurt anymore. Clearly, that didn't work.