Thorns in the Heart

Terrible Joke (Edit #1)

It's now Monday and I have been having a battle in my mind. I can't stop thinking about what I should or shouldn't do. Should I say goodbye to Ash and start fresh? I know I made up my mind last night but now I'm not sure. So many jumbled thoughts running through my head. He has hurt me so many times, but I love him. But I did move out here to get a fresh start. Ugh, I hate this so much. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like if we never met. Would I be happy and enjoying college without this drama? What would my life be like?

"Xo! You okay? You seemed really spaced." Kamila says waving her hand in front of my face getting my attention.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking. I have a lot to think about."

"Let me help. Talk it out with me," she suggests. I think about it. I guess it will be good to talk about this with someone else. Kamila won't tell me what she thinks she will just sit and listen. This is how she has been. She's the quiet brilliant type.

"Okay. I guess I should talk about it or it is going to kill me," I sigh. "Well, you know how I've been having difficulties with Ash. Well, the other night I told him I love him, while I was drunk. I have been avoiding him and if I do answer him it's really short. I have been debating whether or not I should just block him. But I love him so much. He has been there for me through so much. But he has put me through so much as well. He dated a friend of mine, is constantly on my back and is acting like we're a couple again. UGH! I just hate this so much I don't want to make a decision. But I have to do what is best for me. I don't know what that is though. I thought I had made a decision but I don't know if I can actually cut him out."

"Sounds like your gut is telling you something. I've learned to listen to that feeling."

"You know you're right. I should block him right now." I pull out my phone and I block him on Snapchat, Facebook, and I block his phone number. I am not going to take any chances. He will do everything in his power to try and contact me. "There all done!"

"Will you be able to really start fresh? You have given him so much of your life and he is kinda like a drug to you." I thought about that for a minute. It's true. Even when I have said millions of times that I'm done with him I always go back. He apologizes and I open my arms wide for him. Will I be able to cut him out cold turkey? It wasn't working just cutting him off little by little. I really hope this works. I need to have a fresh start here and he wasn't letting that happen.

"It has to work. I can't let him run my life anymore." I whisper.

"Well, we are here for you. Some days will be harder than others. When you have those days we will be here to support you when you wanna go back to him."

"Thank you, I will really need this. Cause he really is like a drug to me." I admit. This is the first step to getting over an addiction. Admit it to yourself and others. Others will help keep you be accountable when you're about to fall short of your goals.

"I know. It's not going to be easy but you can do it," she comments.

"I'm so thankful that I have you and Ember. Moving away from everyone I love would have been difficult if I never met you two."

"I'm so grateful that I met you as well. I would have been alone a lot if you didn't pull me away from my room. Although, that wouldn't be a terrible place to be."

"It's interesting to have found someone that is even more of an introvert than I am. I thought I was shy, but you have pulled that out of me. I guess one of us has to be the loud friend." I joke. It's so weird to come out here and be the loud one. When I was back at home I only had a few friends. Most of the school avoided me. Later I found out that it was because Ash convinced the whole school I was his and people were to stay away. He apparently had that power because he was on the football team. I guess no one wanted to get on his bad side so they avoided me like the plague.