Stay With Me ✔

20.

Rave

I took off running, calling out to her that the last one to the slide has to buy us both milkshakes. At first I ran slow, but when she quickly caught up to me, I ran faster and beat her yet again in our race. "I win. I like strawberry milkshakes, by the way." I smirk as she rolls her eyes at me and climbs to the top of the slide.

I watch her as she sits at the top and though she's trying to hide it, I can see the hurt and disappointment in her eyes and in the way she's keeping her distance from me and avoiding eye contact.

I didn't mean to hurt her, I never wanted to hurt her. I just don't know what to do or how I'm feeling. I've never felt this at ease and free with someone before and I'm afraid I'm becoming too dependent on it. Kylie makes all the bad fade away and everything lights up when I'm around, she makes me feel like a normal teenager for once in my life and I'm afraid to lose that.

If she finds out the truth about me though, I could potentially lose so much more than her - I could lose my sister and my home. I could lose everything, I don't know how Kylie would react. She could call Child Protective Services for all I know.

So when Kylie slid down the slide and I caught her between my arms, our bodies and faces so close we were almost touching, I pulled away and challenged her to a re match instead of closing the distance like I wanted to do. 

I should have kissed her that night, I know that now. But back then, I had no idea I would miss the sound of her laugh and her voice. I didn't know her face would haunt me in my sleep, reminding me of the mistake I made. How was I supposed to know that I would reach for my phone and want to text her every day, all day. How was I supposed to know that this girl changed my life in so many ways in just a few short months?

The next day, I took Lexy back. I apologized for whatever broke us up, even though I know it wasn't my fault and I didn't speak to Kylie again until the first day of our senior year.

Being with Lexy was safe and familiar, there were no risks and no secrets.

There also were no sparks when we touched, shared interests, or excitement coursing through me at the sight of  text from her...

"What happened?" Ever wasn't even fully in the car yet and she could tell by the confused and hurt expression on my face that something had just happened.

I ran my hands through my hair again, something I've been doing every few minutes since Kylie slammed her bedroom door in my face and told me to leave.  I replay the whole thing over and over in my head trying to figure out what happened, what went wrong, but every time I come up with nothing. "I don't know what happened." 

Ever clicks her seat belt and turns towards me, taking in my bewildered state. "Did something happen with Kylie? Did you mess it up?"

"No!" I shout, tugging at my hair again as I think back to what I could have done or said in those few minutes to change everything so drastically. "I didn't do anything. I don't think..." 

"Walk me through it." I look over at my ten year old sister who is too mature for her age, due to the life she's had to live. Sometimes, in moments like these, I forget just how young she is. Her eyes are soft and patient as she waits for me to tell her what happened with Kylie, and I know that even when we have no one else, Ever and I will always have each other.