Stay With Me ✔

37.

"Are you sure you're okay to go back to school?" I ask as Rave pulls a shirt over his head, the bruises on his stomach and ribs are a light purple and yellow now, but he still winces in pain every so often. The stitches were taken out from above his brow yesterday and for the most part, he looks totally back to normal.

"Ky, I'm sure. I'll be fine, I promise." He pulls me into a hug just as Ever comes running into the room, dressed in her new clothes. Ever was excited to be going back to school, and was even more excited because her best friend Haley, was coming over after school to see her new house and room. 

"Breakfast is ready." She tells us both before turning and running back down the stairs towards the kitchen, where my mom was waiting to have breakfast with the three with us before work. 

With my mom's new role as Ever's foster mom, she had to change her work schedule, and now only works morning shifts. She usually gets home around 4 or 5 p.m, and cooks dinner - which we all eat around the table together, before helping Ever with her homework and getting her ready for bed. 

All I've wanted for the past year is for my mom to be home and for things to get back to normal, which they slowly are. Sure, all of her focus is on Ever, but at least she's here - present and doing something other than working at the hospital until she's exhausted. The house finally feels like a home again and I couldn't be happier. 

"Ready?" Rave asks from behind me, lifting his backpack from the floor, no longer wincing in pain at that kind of movement. I'm glad that he's healing and feeling better, but I with his dad still missing, I'm constantly worrying about him. What if his dad or the other gang members try to come after him again? 

"Ready." We walk out of the room and just as Rave begins to tell me about this meme Andy sent him, I stop walking, causing him to run right into me and drop his phone. 

"Shit." He mumbles, bending down to pick up the phone. "Why did you stop?"

On the once plain white wall, right outside of Rave's bedroom, is a picture. I've seen this picture a hundred times, it used to hang on this wall for years. After the accident though, my mom took it - and every other picture in the house down, storing them in a box that she kept in the back of a closet. 

Out of sight, out of mind. 

Until now. 

My dad is wearing a Hawaiian print shirt, and a wide smile on his sunburn face. Atop his shoulder is me, in a matching Hawaiian print dress, an even wider smile on my face as I looked down at my dad. I'm three years old in the picture - it was my first time going to the beach and I was afraid of the ocean, so my dad had put me on his shoulders as we waded into the water. I don't know what he said to make me laugh, but my mom had caught it on camera and framed it as soon as we got home.

I was expecting the picture to make me want to cry, but it was the opposite. I felt sad, sure, but I was also happy and even started smiling to myself as I looked at the photo. It was a good memory, a happy time, and that's the things I want to hold on to and remember. I want to replace all the images I have from the accident with ones of him laughing, dancing, singing, and smiling. 

"It reminds me of the picture you took of me and Ev at the zoo." Rave says from behind me and when I turn I see him studying the picture. He looks down at me and says, "He looks like you." 

It's true, my dad and I shared all the same features, and even though his face wore a terrible sunburn in the photo, you could still see that we had the same eyes and nose, as well as hair color. 

"He would have loved you." I tell Rave, meaning it. My dad would have admired the hell out of Rave, just like I do. He would have told him how brave and strong he is, and he would have been proud to have him date his daughter. My mom has already said all of these things to Rave, but I love how he smiles at the fact that I told him my dad would have agreed. 

As we continue down the hallway and towards the stairs, I see that more and more pictures have been rehung. I stop to admire each one, and tell Rave the story behind it as he makes fun of my odd outfits (I went through a stage of insisting I dress myself each day) and my toothless smiles. 

When we finally make it to the kitchen I see Ever sitting at the table finishing up her breakfast while my mom washes out a mug in the sink. Rave takes a seat across from his sister and steals her last piece of bacon, causing Ever to cross her arms and glare at him as he pops the bacon in his mouth and smirks at her. 

My mom still has her back to me, but I walk up and wrap my arms around her anyway. She's surprised by my actions, but soon starts to chuckle as she drys the mug in her hands and sits it on the rack to dry. "What's this for?" 

"I saw the pictures." I loosen my grip on her as she turns to face me, pulling me into a proper hug. 

She kissed the top of my head and is quiet for a few seconds, which I enjoy. It's been awhile since I've really hugged my mom and I've forgotten just how great it feels. "I thought it was time to stop trying to hide from the past. Pretending it never happened won't bring him back or erase the pain." 

"I like seeing his face around here, it helps me remember the good times."  I smile so that she knows I agree with her and don't want her to take the pictures back down. My mom and I never really talked about the best ways to grieve - instead we both did it on our own, thinking that the other way doing just fine. In reality though, we should have been working through this together - not hiding from it alone. 

"Me too."