Stay With Me ✔

16.

Rave

Ever has been asleep for awhile now, and even though we both have to get up in a few hours for school, I'm wide awake. The makeshift bed I'm laying on, made out of blankets and pillows is nothing compared to the plush, soft mattress of Kylie's that I slept on last night. Sleeping here alone is nothing compared to having Kylie tucked into my side, her breathing even and steady like a lullaby that made it easy to drift off into a deep sleep.

When I woke up to Kylie's screaming last night, cold fear spread through my entire body. I was pulled out of my peaceful slumber and for a second I had forgotten where I was, but then I saw Kylie hugging herself and gasping for air, her eyes wide with fear and distant as if she wasn't really in the room with me - her mind somewhere far away.

I didn't know what to do or how to help, I was afraid that she would never calm down, that she would just keep taking deep breaths to no avail for eternity. After what had felt like a lifetime, Kylie seemed to have come back to reality and her eyes locked with mine as she begun to count and mumble under her breath. I don't even think she was aware that she was doing it, but her eyes stayed glued to mine as she talked to herself, her breathing slowly returning to normal and some color coming back to her face.

Later, when she told me that the panic attack was caused by a nightmare - or memory - of the crash she was in with her dad, I could hear the heartbreak and sorrow in her voice. Kylie had told me twice last night that her house is lonely, and I guess I never really thought about her words until that moment.

From the first time I ever saw Kylie's house, I was in awe at how large and spacious it is. She had told me once that her dad inherited it from his grandparents and then he and Kylie's mom spent the first years of their marriage remodeling and decorating it to be their dream house.

I guess that while it looks like a castle to me, to Kylie it's more of a haunted house - memories and reminders of the past around every corner.

I take a look around my own home and am instantly disgusted and ashamed of the clutter and broken furniture. Our house used to be nice and homey, but for the past five years, it's been the complete opposite.

Everything was different back when my dad had his job. He used to spend his days at work and his nights with his family, but now all his time is spent running errands for the local gang in the next town over and Ever and I are seen as in the way - unwanted and uncared for. His only love now is heroine and pills that make knock him out for most of the day. We rarely see him, but when we do, it's never a good thing. He shouts, throws things, blames us for things beyond our control, and occasionally gets physical.

I don't think our mom ever really wanted to be a mother, even when we were younger and our dad was a real dad, our mom was never really the affectionate type. She never played with us, and when she did she would get bored easily and go back to watching television or calling her friends. She went out a lot, usually right after our dad got home, and wouldn't come back until after we were in bed for the night. She left us a year before our dad lost his job and I think that's when things really began to go downhill for him. 

He loved her, even if she didn't love him in return. When she left us, he began to drink, played with us less, skipped work, and eventually was fired. Everything was different, Ever was given less baths, dinner wasn't cooked every night, the house wasn't clean, and neighbors started to ask questions. 

I was twelve and suddenly it was my responsibility to take care of myself and my four year old sister. I gave her a bath every night, tucked her in, took her to daycare around the corner before catching a bus to school, and came home and cooked her dinner before repeating it all the next morning. I cleaned the house, I took out the trash, I did our laundry, and I did errands for our elderly neighbors as a way to get cash.