My Direction

Louis

Louis.

When she slammed that door, if felt like she slammed my heart right in it. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes long before she left. Only now did they begin to fall, quietly at first until they were sobs. The guys surrounded me, hugging me and patting my back. They didn't say a word. And I don't know if there's any words they could have said. Some how or another I let the most perfect girl in the world walk out on me and the worst part was I'm the one that made her want to go. But it wasn't just me that was suffering now. All the guys were. Because of me, their adopted sister walked out before one of the biggest shows of our career. She wouldn't be there to calm us, to tell us we would be great, or to celebrate afterward. And God knows when she'll be back. Or if she'll be back. And all that guilt rested on my shoulders and settled in my heart, which felt like a couple hundred pounds right now. 

Shortly after that, Ryan and James came to the room to find me bawling. Liam had to explain to them what happened and why I was so upset about it. 

"And then she called Daniel, told him she'd me him in an hour, slammed the door and then he started with all this and hasn't stopped since." 

James sighed and came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. 

"Look Lou, I know you feel bad about what you said to her, and you should. But if there's one thing I know about my daughter, it's that she heals on her own time. She won't come back until she's ready to come back. And there's nothing that you or Niall or Harry or Zayn or Liam or I or anyone can do about it. It's just the way she is. So while you had it coming, try not to beat yourself up too much because there's nothing to do but wait. And keep in mind you've got millions of eyes on you. You can't let this affected your show tonight. Those fans need you too much. So try and pull it together, and wait it out. In the end, it'll all be okay. She's a very forgiving person, but she's got to calm down first." he patted my shoulder and they turned to leave.

 I wiped my eyes and started to get ready for the show. I went through the rest of the night just rolling through the motions. The only part I felt better was when we were on stage. But after the show, I went back to the same thing. I started drinking, and before I knew it I was completely trashed. Between crying and throwing up I could barely breathe. What the hell is wrong with me? I meet the best girl in the world and I couldn't decide I want her until she's talking to another guy, and then I chase her off and hurt her. And then I felt stupid for develops such strong feelings so quickly. When I finally quit throwing up, I didn't even have the energy to get up. So I laid down on the tile floor and passed out.