In The Heart Of Her Mind.

Your Love Is Stand-Offish.

"Falling. Yeah, that explains it. I was falling off of a cliff. I think I was pushed, or maybe not, I can't remember it clearly but it felt so real. It felt real."

Before I managed to land into 2018, a series of missed calls from everyone nearly destroyed my phone. The noise seemed endless. There were a few visits to our apartment, Samuel being the only one I let in with his reason being to check if I were dead and that if I were it'll be bad for the buildings business.

I intentionally ignored everyone and everything else, blocking the knocks on the door with noise canceling headphones.

I had missed Calls from,
Mia,
John,
Audrey,
And surprisingly my mother.

But not as surprising as Carmen. Telling me she needs to see me in one of her texts I opened By accident. What else could she be dying to lie to me about?

I had only seen Carmen twice since the party at the convenience store. We both had not said a thing to each other and when she tried to make a move I either paid for my shit far from her check out desk or I quickly left the store.

"When I fell I landed in something cold." I said as I penned it down.

I figured that keeping my self away from the world would clear my head.

"How's that working out for ya?"

"It's still a growing tragedy..." I say to Isabella as she sits sprawled on our couch with lace lingerie on.

I wanted to spend the New Years with her.

"Close the window, it's getting too breezy."

I wanted to spend all my years with her.

"What do you have planned for us today baby?" She asked before stretching and pulling her self off of the couch.

"Nothing." I said bluntly as I kept writing down the dream I had the other night in my journal. Hopefully It could be a book idea someday.

"But I'm so bored..." she emphasized on her last word, dragging it as she twirled in a spot.

"It wouldn't even matter what we did..." I look up from my book and find her eyes threatening mine. "Your not here." I say carefully, hoping that I am wrong causing her to laugh hysterically.

"You didn't think I wasn't here last night in your pants." My cheeks grew hot as I remembered one of the things I had always done with her memory since she left me.

All alone, but it felt too good to accept the fact.

"I'm only around when you want me to be. You'll only feel my touch when you want to." She smiled, walking towards me and straddling my lap before throwing her arms over my shoulders.

"I don't understand." I shake my head.

"For a guy who can crack open the hardest literary puzzles you sure are stupid when it comes to your life." She rolled her eyes.

"I only come when you want to be distracted from the world. I only come when you think about things other than me. I only come when people that want to take you away are around, like a defense mechanism.
I only stay away when you want me to. Your love is stand-offish."