Adam [BOOK ONE]

XVIII

            The hardest part about loving Adam was how much he insisted on not being loved. His inability to forgive himself for what he did, made it impossible to get past more than a few layers before he shut down again. I wanted to show him I cared about him, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me all the way in the walls he kept so tightly around himself. My mind wouldn't let him go, even the house seeming to be sad. It was quieter than usual, no laughing and talking, just silence and the sound of cars passing by every now and then.

I had fought with myself about how I felt, but now there was no denying that there was definitely something in me that craved Adam. His presence, his company, his touch. I walked through the house, straightening up as my mind replayed last night events over and over again. When I got to the kitchen, the lonely pot of spaghetti sitting on the stove caused my stomach to flip over. I scraped the food into the trashcan, poured the wine down the sink, and threw everything else into the back of the fridge. I didn't want to think about last night, of course, my mind was going to replay it with or without the visual reminders.

I plopped down on the couch, turning the t.v on and blasting it until it almost made my ears hurt. The television didn't distract me for long and soon I turned it off to regain the silence I had found solace in. Was I afraid of love too? I couldn't find memories of ever giving myself into being vulnerable and loving someone, I had boyfriends, but what were they to me? Distractions? I had come close to marrying someone and even now I couldn't firmly say that I had loved him. He was everything I had been taught to look for, but the feelings just weren't there.

I sighed, picking up my phone and dialing Becca's number.

"Hey Becca," I said cheerfully when she answered.

"Elena! What's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted to call and see how you were. How are things?"

"Things are good," she said confidently, "I've made things official with Jasmine."

"Congrats, I know you're happy."

"I couldn't be happier. When I stopped worrying about all the extra stuff and just focused on how I felt, things worked better. I was nervous, but I got over it and now I'm happier than ever. Thanks for the advice Elena."

I almost couldn't speak, "you're welcome."

"Can I call you back later, I'm getting ready for date night."

"Yeah, that's fine. Love you Becca."

"Love you more Elena."

The line went dead and silence consumed the room again. I picked my phone back up quickly looking up the number to Adam's new job and dialing it. He didn't have a cellphone, which we would definitely have to fix soon.

"Mike Pratt Industrial, Jamie speaking."

"Hi, my name is Elena Nance and I was calling to speak to Adam."

"Adam Redford?"

"Yes sir."

There was some quick rustling of paper, "Adam doesn't come in 'til six. He works from six to eight tonight. He has a company phone though, did you want me to give you the number?"

"Yes please."

He looked through some more papers before reading out a phone number. I thanked him again and hung the phone up. I quickly dialed the number and sat anxiously as the phone rang.

"Adam Redford, Section 3-4-"

"Adam it's me."

"Elena, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just," my voice cracked, "I just needed to talk to you."

"Elena, what's wrong?"

"You left so quickly last night-"

"I'm complicated Elena, you have to understand that. My intentions are never to hurt you, Elena I-"

"Come see me?"

"I'm at a friend's house right now."

"Please."

"I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

We hung up and for some reason tears slipped down my cheek. I sat on the couch, my legs pulled to my chest, and my head tucked in between them. My tears didn't slow until two arms pulled me close against a chest.

"Stop crying," Adam whispered tenderly against my head.

"I don't know why I'm crying," I took a deep breath, "but I can't stop."

He laid a kiss on my forehead and my stomach turned.

"I care for you Elena, I just don't know how to show it. I want so much to be there for you, but you have to let me grow into it. The last person I loved was taken away from me in a flash, I don't want that for you."

"I understand," I turned to face him, "what is this?"

He cupped my cheek with his hand, rubbing his thumb gently across my face, "I don't know, but I like it. I want more it."

His lips found mine again in an even more sensual way than before. His mouth dance against mine in a warm tango, his hand drifting down my back and pulling me close. The warmness of his body, the sweet taste of his lips, the way his hands grasped me was sending me on cloud nine.

"Fuck," he mumbled against my lips, the hard groan filled with passion sent a wave of emotion through my belly. I could stay forever. Wrapped in his embrace.

"Don't go," I whispered in a breathless plea as our lips released.

"I have to go to work in a bit. I'll be back soon though."

"How soon?"

"In fourteen hours," he chuckled.

"Jesus."

"I have a lot of shit I have to take care of. I have to get a place, a car-"

"You can stay here," I kissed his cheek, "I don't mind."

"I'd still have to pay rent."

"No you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't feel right being a free loader."

"Then you won't have to pay rent until you get on your feet. I'm not kicking you while you're down."

He stared at me before connecting for another brief kiss, "I can't even thank you enough."

"You being here with me is all the thanks I need."

He laid another tender kiss on my forehead before gently picking me up and sitting me on the couch.

"I have to go get ready."

I nodded, "be safe. Have fun."

He smiled, "Alright."

He stood up, pulling a jacket he had shrugged off back on his shoulders.

"Be good," he pointed.

"Always," I smirked.

"Good night Elena."

"Good night Adam."

AUTHOR'S NOTE
This chapter was short again because once again I'm on my phone so you guys know the drill excuse any more errors than usual and that kind of thing. I know you guys are tired of hearing it but ending chapters for me is like pulling teeth. I liked this chapter though I think Adam and Elena are adorable and Adam deserves really good things. Hope you guys enjoy.