I flinched when I felt something wet and cold over my private part. It soothed the soreness for a moment. Biglang unti-unting bumalik sa akin ang nangyari. I was abducted and brutally raped. I began to kick my legs, trying to get away from the hand that massaged me.
"Pakawalan niyo ako, mga hayop kayo! Pakawalan niyo ako!" Tears of sorrow and anger dripped from my eyes. My hands were tied together above my head and I couldn't move them. I grew even more frightened. The anxiety I felt heightened. It was writhing under my skin, wanting to get out.
A pair of hands caught my waist and they slammed me down. I winced as pain shot through me. Pero hindi iyon sapat para tumigil ako. I'd stop when I'm dead. I'd rather they kill me than let them rape me again.
"You're not going to get away with this! Hinahanap na ako ni Mama at Dad, they won't stop until they find me. Kapag nalaman nila ang ginawa niyo sa akin, mananagot kayo.
"His fingers tightened around my waist.
"Dad will kill you." I said through gritted teeth, hot angry tears slid down my cheeks. "Magbabayad kayo sa ginawa niyo! Binaboy niyo ako, mga hayop kayo! Binababoy niyo ako!"
In one swift motion, I was turned over to my stomach. Those big, brutal hands held me firmly in place. Hindi ko nagawang gumalaw. My body shivered in fear when I heard the unbuttoning and unzipping from behind me. That sound was all too familiar and I knew what would happen next.
My eyes widened when I felt something hard pressing on my rear opening. Sunod sunod akong napailing. "No, please. Don't..."
I screamed in pain as he slowly invaded my body. The pain of him pushing inside me was all too real and all too much. My hands balled into fists, my fingernails digging into my palms. It was so painful I broke into cold sweats.
"Hayop kayo! Mga hayop kayo!" I cried out.
He thrust into me and pulled out, each thrust were brutal and hard. I wished at that time, I would just pass out just like the first time. But I didn't. I felt every pain. I eventually stopped screaming, my throat was already raw from screams and cries. All I could do now was utter a soft mewling, crying silently as he abused my body. He buried himself one last time, digging deeper than he'd ever been and then he paused. He let out a long groan and his weight was on me.
"He didn't just rape me, he sodomized me. Pinaglaruan nila ang katawan ko. At that time, I didn't feel like I was a human being anymore, they took away every dignity I have in my body." My whole body shook as tiny fragments of what had happened played in my head.
Callum sat on his chair with leg crossed over the other. He had a clipboard in one hand and a pen on the other. He was writing down the things I tell him on his paper. "I want to know how you feel about yourself today, pagkatapos ng mga nangyari sa'yo."
"I don't feel safe in my own body anymore. The skin that wraps around me is tainted. It's dirty. I'm dirty and disgusting." Tears stung my eyes.
"Don't say that. I don't ever want to hear that from you again." He gently said. His professional mask slipped and something shifted on his face. Those gorgeously dark eyes softened into a lighter tone when as he looked at me. "Hindi totoo iyon. You're not dirty and disgusting. You're beautiful and brave and I admire you for everything you've gone through."
"Thank you." I gave him a faint smile as tears blurred my visions. "But no beautiful words could ever take the pain I feel. Binaboy nila hindi lang ang katawan ko kung hindi ang buong pagkatao ko. Alam mo minsan iniisip ko na sana na baliw na lang ako. At least I wouldn't be this aware. Kahit anong kuskos ko sa katawan ko, kahit ilang beses akong maligo, kahit anong gawin ko hindi matatanggal sa akin ang kahayupang ginawa nila."
