I'd survive worse than this. For the past four years, I'd been doing fine on my own. I didn't need him but I'd be lying if I say his absence doesn't affect me. With him, I found a sense of self that I had lost a long time ago and all the while he was just using me. I'd been betrayed by the first man I'd ever let in. I should've seen it coming. How could I be that stupid?
I sighed as I pushed my car door open. I pulled the compartment open and took out my grocery bags. Dumaan din ako sa grocery bago ako umuwi galing sa library.
My day was mundane as it could get. I never touched my phone because he'd been calling and texting me. I needed to get used to not having him around. Kailangan ko na ulit masanay na ako lang. I already had alot of emotional baggage to begin with and I would collapse if I had to carry more.
I went inside my house, putting the grocery bags on the counter tip. I took out all the ingredients I needed to make my dinner. I was about to turn on the stove when I heard a faint sound of guitar playing outside.
"And Audrey was her name, a not so very ordinary girl or name. But who's to blame, for a love that wouldn't bloom. For the hearts that never played in tune. Like a lovely melody that everyone can see, take away the words that rhyme it doesn't mean a thing"
I tightly shut my eyes. I argued with myself wether to go out to see him or not. Ayaw ko sanang makita siya. It would only make everything harder. I exhaled and opened my eyes. Paalisin ko lang siya then I would walk back in and I'd never see him again.
I walked to the front door opened it and saw Callum standing on the front porch with guitar strapped over him.
"And Audrey was her name, we tripped the light and dance together to the moon. But where was June... no it never came around. If it did it never made a sound. Maybe I was absent or was listening too fast, catching all the words but then the meaning going past."
You could see the passion he had for music. It was seeping out of every pore of his body. I wanted to lean against the door frame and just listen to him sing. His voice was smooth, calm and angelic despite his speaking voice being slightly rough. If he ever did pursue his music career, I'm sure he'd be famous by now. There was certain texture in his voice that made him distinct and special from the others.
"Callum" I silently said.
He lifted his head up from his guitar and looked at me. There were dark circled under his eyes telling me that he hadn't had a good sleep. Tinanggal niya ang strap ng guitar nita at inilapag iyon.
"Audrey, please kausapin mo naman ako."
"Umalis ka na." I brought my hands to his chest to try to push him. "Hindi ka ba nakakaintindi? I don't want to see you again."
"I'm not going to deny what you saw. I had our converstions recorded on my phone. I wrote down how you responded to me in bed. I wrote everything we ever did togethr in hopes of understanding you more. I need to understand you in order to help you. I need to know what goes on in your mind. I want to help you more than you know." His eyes were filled with undeniable sorrow.
"I trusted you, Callum. Akala ko lahat ng pinakita mo sa akin ay totoo. I don't need someone to study or analyze me. I'm tired of being used and lied to. I already feel less than a woman, huwag mo nang mas pababain ang tingin ko sa sarili ko."
"I was scared of how you'd react. I want to find a way to ease the pain you're goung through. Gusto kong malaman mo na totoo lahat ng pinakikita ko sa iyo." He lifted the white binder I saw in his office from the ground and handed it to me. "Here are all the files. Do whatever you want with it. Throw it out. Burn it. I don't care. You're all I care about. I care about you beyond this and I don't want to lose you, Audrey"
