"Tama na... please, ayoko na. Patayin niyo na lang ako." I silently sobbed. A finger lightly brushed away a few strands of hair away from my face. I swallowed, my whole body shaking with fear as I felt myself anticipating what he'd do to me next. It was always unpredictable. Always more brutal than the last. I let out a loud cry. "Just fucking kill me already!"
"Aaahhh!" I screamed when I felt pain on the burnt part of my skin. The smell of alcohol wafted over me. A cloth was gently patted on my skin and then I felt a cool gel touch my burn. The stinging pain lessened and my body was able to relax.
The hand cupped the back of my head lifting it up and another forced a pill in my mouth and washed it down with water.
"Why are you doing these things to me? Ano bang kasalanan ko sa inyo?" Umiiyak na tanong ko.
There was no answer. There had never been an answer before. All there is was pain and silence. Defeaning silence. The worst thing about silence is its indifference. Besides the low grunts and groans they sometimes make when they're impaling in and out of me, there was nothing more. The absence of noise from my abusers were unnerving. It made me hard to imagine what kind of people they were or if they were at all. They could be the devil for all I know.
I was tied and locked up in God knows where. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't move. The things I exist for, my dignity, my whole being were all taken away from me. All I knew now was pain. It was the only stimulus I could have.
"Bakit? Bakit niyo ginagawa sa akin ito? Bakit ako?" This time my voice were soft. Nawala ang sakit ng paso at napalitan iyon ng pagod. I felt drained, emotionally and physically. All I wanted to do now was to sleep.
A warm body laid beside me and an arm encircled around my waist.
"N-no... no... please..." My voice shook, instinctively moving my body away from it.
The arm pulled me closer and I tried to pull away but I couldn't. It was wrapped around me like steel bars.
"Bitiwan mo ako! Bitiwan mo ako!"
"Nooo! Let go of me!" I pushed the body away from me and huddled in the corner of the bed. I hugged my folded knees to my chest as I trembled in fear. Callum lifted his head up and looked at me with eyes still hooded from sleep. He had a dazed, confused look on his face.
"Audrey..." He slowly sat up. "It's me. It's Callum..."
My heaving breath finally slowed down. It was just a dream. My body stopped shaking as the realization sunk in. I jumped on him, wrapping my arm around his naked torso. "I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up."
"It's alright. No worries." He said, soothingly stroking my hair. "Did you have a bad dream?
"I nodded my head as an answer.
"I'm here. No one can hurt you now. I won't let anyone hurt you..." He left soft kisses on my forehead.
"Cal..." I slowly pulled away from him. "I think it's better if you sleep a little farther away from me. I... I don't like being held while I'm asleep"
"Am I making you uncomfortable. I'm sorry. Do you want me to go home?" He gently asked with an undertone of worry in his voice.
"No... no..." I shook my head.
"I'll just move to the couch." He said, trying to make me feel more comfortable.
"No. I want you here. Huwag mo akong iwan." I said and my eyes lowered. "Callum, I like being with you. It's just that some things remind me of what they've done to me. I... I'm sorry."
"I understand. There's nothing wrong with that. It's completely normal. You're healing in your own way, in your own phase and in your own time. I want you to know that I will be with you every step of the way. When you're done, things will be good again." He stroked my cheek and forced a smile. His dark eyes bore a hint of something I'd seen in most people when they find out what I'd gone through. I hated it.
