Tatlong araw akong nagluksa at umiyak. But when they retrieved his body, I knew I'd finally found closure in what had happened to me four years ago. His body was found burnt beyond recognition and I didn't want to see it. I wanted to always think of him like the first time I saw him. I could still remember when he walked up to me in a grey button down shirt. I wanted to remember him and his beautifully dark eyes that changes with his mood. It was over now. He was gone. The demon that haunted for the past four years was now gone.
I felt a sense of calmness in my life that I hadn't felt in a long time. A sense of peace. I loved Callum and a small part of me would always do. But he had hurt not only me but my family. He had caused so much pain that couldn't be undone and no love could cover. But hate was just as useless. Hate would not bring back everything that I had lost in the past four years. Hate would only make me a bitter person.
I had forgiven him and I had forgiven myself for not knowing. I had forgiven myself for abandoning my own child and for blocking off the love I felt for him for years. I didn't want to go back to the person I were before. And so I set myself free. I took the chains off from my hands and feet.
I wasn't meant to live a life of hatred, regret, and grief. It wouldn't be the mother I would want to give to my son. I was meant for a life of happiness. I was meant for better days. I was meant for a life filled with smiles, laughters, and wonderful memories with my son. I was meant for a life filled with love even without him in my life.
The world is indeed a beautiful place. But sometimes it's harder to see the beauty of it when you're alone with nothing but your pain, when you put up a wall around you in fear of being hurt again, when you get stuck in just a part of it. You should walk and roam until you see the beauty of it again, walk until you find where you belong, roam until you find something that would make you believe again and something that would give you dreams.
"Mommy..." Arthur took my hand and pulled me the backyard. Nandoon si Mama at si Dad, pati na ang mga kapatid at mga kaibigan ko. It looked like they were having a barbecue party and I wasn't informed.
"Surprise!" They all stopped and shouted when they see me.
"Oh you!" Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Arthur. I picked him up and showered him with kisses. "What is this for?"
"Daddy said we should throw you a party so you don't feel sad." He answered.
"I'm not sad..." I pressed a kiss on his forehead. "You want to know why?"
"Why?" He asked.
"Because I have you." I hugged him tighter.
"I'm not sad too because I have you and even if I don't see Dr. Daddy for a long time, I know he's happy playing with John Lemon." He smiled.
Hindi ko tinago sa kanya na wala na ang Dr. Daddy niya. We had to explain to him that his Dr. Daddy got into a car accident and that he wasn't going to be around anymore. I told him he was probably playing with his favorite musicians somewhere.
"We decided to have a little get together. Ayaw kong nakikita kang malungkot." Dad said as he walked towards me. He stopped and wrapped one arm around me and kissed me on the forehead. "Gusto kong makita mo kung gaano kadaming tao ang nagmamahal sa'yo at kung gaano ka namin mahal. We're here for you."
"Thank you, Dad. You're the best." Mahinang sabi ko bago ako tumingala sa kanya. He looked down at me with so much tenderness in his eyes. Like I hadn't grown up and I was still his little princess.
"Of course, I'm your Superman." He laughed.
He did feel guilt when he found out about Callum but I told him that he shouldn't because this was how he chose to go. Siya ang nagdesisyon sa ginawa niya. He was not a bad person and he didn't deserve to carry any guilt in his heart.
