Over 3,000 Miles

So Sick

        Work today had been even more stressful than Saturday and I was getting to my breaking point. Lilly and I had just finished rearranging the store when Mr. Hendrickson walked in telling us that he "wasn't really sure if he liked the way we set up the store" and told us that he would talk to our supervisor about it.  

        "What is that even supposed to mean?!" I yelled to Lilly after Mr. Hendrickson left, who had her head in her hands. I was trying to steady my breathing as I paced around the store so I could try to calm down, but that clearly wasn't working. 

        "I don't know!" She yelled back. "He's probably going to fire us or something! Even though we are the only ones who actually work in this damn place!" 

        I hadn't thought of that point. What if we did get fired? As much as I hated the hell out of this job, I needed it to help pay for college. I didn't want to go to a local college, which my parents weren't too happy about, but they said I could go if I helped pay for it. If I didn't have this job, I would have no way to help my parents. Then I would be stuck here.

        My head swarmed with all of these thoughts and I couldn't think straight. 

        "I-I'm going on break." I spoke softly, knowing that yelling would only worsen the headache I was getting. 

        "Clara, are you okay? You-" Lilly started, but I cut her off, speaking louder than before.

        "I just need to calm down for a little bit. I'll be in the break room or something." I ran my hands through my hair, which I didn't realize were shaking until I looked at them just now. My breathing was unstable and I felt a lump form in the back of my throat. I walked hesitantly to the break room, closing the door and locking it after I got inside. 

        I sat down on the small loveseat we had in there and brought my knees up to my chest, hugging my legs tightly. I rested my head on my knees and closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing. I needed to calm down, I knew that and I was trying so hard to, but I just couldn't. I hated having the fear of losing this job, and right now it felt like that was all I could think about. Sitting in silence didn't help trying to get my mind off of things, it only created more negative thoughts until I felt suffocated.

        My phone started ringing from my pocket, making me jump. Looking at the contact name that came up made me sigh, a small smile forming on my face.

        I answered, putting the phone on speaker and setting it down beside me. "Hey." I breathed. 

        "Hi, Clara!" His voice cheered, making me flinch due to my headache, which was now a lot worse.

        "Hi Luke." I responded, rubbing my temple to calm the pounding in my head.

        "Why don't you sound happy?" He asked, concern lacing into his words.

        I sighed, trying my hardest to hold back the tears I could feel coming. "Luke, I hate this job. So fucking much. I'm so sick of it." 

        "Clara, what happened?" Luke asked urgently.

        "We fixed the store. Then the owner came in and practically told us we did a shitty job and said he , and I quote, "would talk to our supervisor about this." What the hell does that even mean, Luke?! I can't lose this job. I h-hate it, but I need it so bad." By the end of my rant I was sobbing. I was done trying to bottle up my emotions about this stupid job. I have felt this way for so long, but I always held it in. And now, I was so done.

        "Clara, calm down, okay? Take a deep breath." He spoke, calmly, trying to sooth me.

        I tried to do as he said, but when I released the breath, I just ended up sobbing harder.