Bullied- a Jenzie story

Bye, Bye Cruel World -36

⚠️Warning ⚠️: this chapter does contain some really depressing things. If you are sensitive to suicide, don't read this chapter🚫. Stay safe, love you ❤️

Mackenzie's POV

Today is the Christmas party. Today is the day where my life most likely will suck more than it ever has. I ache trying to get out of bed, everything is all in my head. By everything, I mean Johnny. He is always on my mind and it sucks. He doesn't love you anymore that annoying voice rings in my head. Waste of air, useless, slut, fake, desperate. It rings again.

"I'm sorry" my voice says barely above a whisper, trembling. "I'm trying so hard" I whisper again, talking to myself "but I always fail" tears threatening to spill out as I speak. "Nobody cares for me. Johnny said he would stay, he lied. He's a liar" my voice shakes, I'm getting angry instead of sad. "He promised he'd never leave me" I speak out. "He left me" I bring my voice back to a whisper.

But i don't deserve him anyway. He's too good for me. Way out of my league.

"Mackenzie sweetie" my mom knocks on my door and comes in. "Get ready for the party." My mom chirps. (A/N damn, didn't know Melissa was a bird)

"But mom" I groan "it's only 1 pm and the party starts at like 4." I roll over in my bed, not wanting to get up.

"Get your lazy butt up and out of bed" my mom says in an annoyed tone of voice. "We're going over early that's why"

No, no, no, no hell nah to the nah nah nah.

I'm not going over early.

"Mom, can't I just drive over when I want?" I really don't want to see Johnny.

"Honey no you cannot. The Orlando's can't wait to see you."

"Two of them don't" I mutter under my breath as I fold my arms

"What?" My mom questions, wanting me to repeat because she didn't hear me.

"Oh nothing." I fake smile. "What should I wear?" I ask her.

"Something nice. Maybe a dress or something." My mom speaks. "Oh wait!" She exclaims. "I have a perfect dress for you that you can wear!"

"Is it long sleeved?" Reminding myself that I have horrific cuts on my arms. She furrows her eyebrows. "Um. No"

"Not wearing it then" I conclude.

"Why not Mackenzie?" My mom argues.

"I uh" I pause, trying to think of an excuse. "I get cold really, really easily." That part is actually true, I'm not lying.

"Hmm" she ponders, not believing me. "Whatever" she exits my door.

I quickly get up. I start to get lightheaded from how fast I got up. "Fuck" I mutter, holding my head. I'm really lightheaded.

I go to my closet, I see a lot of sweatshirts and casual stuff. "Ugh." I groan. "Why do I have to go to this dumb Christmas party?" I mutter.

My eyes set on a hoodie. A hoodie with a lighting bolt on it, the one Johnny gave me. It was his favorite. "Fuck this" I say exiting my closet.

I can't bare to even look at one of Johnny's belongings. So how am I supposed to look at him? Even be in the same room as him?

"Okay Kenz" I begin to give myself a pep talk. "Just go in the fucking closet, it won't bite you" I take a deep breathe in, damn I'm dramatic.

I walk in and look at a baby pink fuzzy sweater. "This could work" I think inside my head. I could match it with black leggings and put on some mascara and call it a day.