The Letters That Saved Her Life (sequel to Dear Niall {A Niall Horan Fanfic})

December 25, 2016

December 25, 2016

Jackie's POV

Demi left yesterday, she said she wanted to spend Christmas at home. I look down at Niall. His head is resting on my chest for a change. His arms are tightly wrapped around my waist. I can feel his slow steady breathing. I smile down at the love of my life. I love him, but I can't help to think weather he really does love me. Evan used to say he loved me. What if he's just lying? What if he doesn't really care about me and he has another girlfriend on the side? What if he just eels bad for me? That would explain why he hasn't broken up with me yet. That's why he's pitying me. I run my fingers through his blond hair, trying to calm myself. I love how soft it is.

"Mmmh." He groans. He sighs deeply then opens his eyes. "Morning beautiful." He leans up to kiss me but I move away. I try not to cry, but one slips out and rolls down my cheek. He slips one arm out from under me and rests his hand on my cheek. His thumb wiping away the tear. "What's wrong?" I open my eyes to look into his sharp blue ones.

"Nothing I'm fine." He just looks into my eyes.

"Babe, I know something's up. What is it?"

"It's nothing, you know how I am until I take my meds." He wraps his arms around me again and hugs me tightly.

"I love you, and you can tell me anything." I sigh, realizing I'm being stupid.

"I'm just worried that your pitying me because you know what I'v been through. That you have a girlfriend on the side, one that doesn't have problems. Also that you don't know how to break up with me." He sits up next to me, takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it.

"I love you." He whispers before getting up. I sit up and pull my knees against my chest. He comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water. I take it from him then he drops the two white pills in my hand. I look down at them. Moving them around in the palm of my hand before putting them in my mouth and gulping the water down. Niall takes the glass from me and sets it on the bedside table. "Ok?" He asks and sits next to me.

"I can't help but think those things though. Think that you'd be better off with some model. A girl that wears makeup every day; a girl that's actually beautiful. Someone who's a better fit for you than me. I have so many problems, and I can't help but think how much better you'd be without me. Without having to deal with my depression, my anorexia, my cutting, and my suicidal thoughts. You deserve someone better than me." He pulls me to him and I cry on his chest.

"I love you. You are beautiful, and I'd rather have a girlfriend that doesn't wear any makeup. A girl the feels comfortable with not wearing any. You're a better fit for me than anyone else, and I love your flaws. I love every little imperfection about you. It's ok to have imperfections, everyone has them. Hell, look at me. In interviews we have to wear makeup and I'm so fucking grateful for it."

"You perfect without that shit though." I mumble against his chest.

"Everyone has a different opinion about what is beautiful, and what is ugly. Your my definition of gorgeous." I lift my head to look at him. He's smiling down at me and his eyes are bright bright blue. "Let's go downstairs, you can help me make pancakes?"

"Well, ok." I say. He kisses my forehead and got up. "I'll meet you downstairs." He nods and heads downstairs after slipping on a pair of sweatpants. I run my hand over my face. I feel a little better now. I hate that this fucking happens every morning, and I can't help but feel bad for Niall. He's the one that has to put up with it.

Sighing I get out of bed. I don't bother changing out of my Syracuse pajama pants, and a black tube top. I put my knee brace on before trudging downstairs and into the kitchen. He's standing at the stove. I watched as the muscles in his back move as he picks up a pan and sets it on the stove. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his naked torso. I'm going to miss this when he leaves tomorrow. Eleven months without his gorgeous blue eyes, and melodic laugh. Oh and his accent, I'm gonna miss his thick accent filling the house. Also his hair, the smell of him, his soft blond hair. Damn it, I'm just gonna miss him. All of him. I kiss his shoulder then sit on the counter. He turns to work at the counter next to me.