Save Me From Myself|Calum Hood FanFiction

Chapter Five|Kisses

As soon as I got home I cut over each bloody fresh cut that I had marked a few hours ago. Constantly I told myself 'your pathetic' 'what the fuck is wrong with you' 'just die'. I then got annoyed at myself for over-reacting so much and cut more, again reminding myself how 'pathetic' I am. It was the worse relapse experience ever. When I was done I stared at myself in the mirror, my face red and puffy from crying so much.

"What the fuck has happened to me? What have I become?", I squeaked to my reflection.

Blood was falling down my arms when I heard a violent knock at the door. It was so loud I could hear it upstairs in my bathroom. I shuddered, beginning to panic about who could be so angry to pound so loud at my door. I stayed silent, holding my breath and trying not to move. Suddenly the door swung open, I heard it hit the wall as it reeled back.

"Elsie?! We need to talk! I'm so angry with myself! I'm sorry if I scared you!", Calums voice echoed throughout the house.

I stayed mute. He couldn't know I was here, otherwise he would see my arms and realise how pathetic I really was. He'd leave me for sure. I'd be all alone again, I hated that.

He began running up the stairs, yelling my name as he ducked his head into each room. Warm tears started rolling down my cheeks silently. Calum obviously noticed the bathroom light through the door as the next thing I knew he was standing in front of me, a scared look across his tanned face.

"No.. no, no, no!", he shouted, noticing my arms.

My cries were no longer silent as I broken down, holding my arm as I knelt on the floor, my head down, waiting for Calum to walk away. I needed him, I know it sounds stupid seeing as I had only recently met him, but he was there for me and right now, I really needed someone to care. I may not want him to, and I may be petrified of how he thinks of me, but he takes care of me, in a way no one ever has before. He's almost healing to me.

"I'm so sorry!", I gasped out between violent sobs.

"Hey, hey, hey!", he picked me up as I still clutched my arm.

He guided me to the sink and grabbed a wet cloth, dabbing each and every single cut. Wiping away the blood and cleaning out all the deep wounds. He looked up at me sympathetically and pushed away my tears with his finger.

"It's gonna be okay. I'm not leaving. I'm going to get you better.", he whispered softly, his brown eyes beginning to water.

"You can't get me better! Everyone always says 'it gets better', well it doesn't! I've been waiting for three years for it to get better! It never has! Its just got worse, everyone's just left me and I just feel so fucking alone right now! I just push everyone away! I don't want to push you away, Calum! I want you to stay, even if I do push you away! When you told me you loved me, I felt warm because thats the first time someones said that to me in so so long! When you kiss my forehead, I get butterflies in my stomach! I do love you! I love the fact that your so determined to get someone like me, someone so fucked up, better! I love that you promise to always stay by me, and to never leave! I'm a stranger to you! Why do you do that? I don't understand anything! The voices, I don't understand the voices! I'm being eaten up by anxiety! I can't take it anymore! I just need to die! And I'm so so sorry for taking this out on you, I'm so disgusted by myself and ashamed. I'm sorry you had to hear this! Its just hard to say these things out loud, but your different! And I love you, so I'm sorry!".

I don't really know what I was saying. It was just all in my mind. I sobbed into Calum's jumper as he held me close, I could feel him shaking as he cried too. He suddenly took me by the shoulders and gave me a stern look through tears. It looked so real. This wasn't fake. This wasn't because he felt sorry for me. He actually cared.

"Listen to me Elsie, I am going to make you happy. I'm going to do everything I can in my body to get you better. I'm sorry that your like this, it kills me seeing you like this. Believe me, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. But, I'm not going to let you die or continue to cut youself, okay? I just want you to be happy, smiley and okay. Your not disgusting, your beautiful, no matter how many scars. I love you so much and I'm not going to let you destroy yourself!", he shook me firmly as he continued to cry.

Calum looked into my eyes on more time and wiped away his tears. He snuffled and took away the wet cloth that was still lying on my arm. He then gradually kissed each and every scar and cut. His soft lips gently touching the stripes and stroking them saying 'its gonna be okay'. I cried silently through it all, good tears though. No one had ever been so loving to me in my life, not even my own mother and father. I didn't understand how he could do it, my scars and cuts were disgusting. When he was done he looked at me, almost drilling his beautiful gaze into my eyes like a laser. He suddenly grabbed my waist and sat me on the counter, holding my face steadily and kissed my lips, slowly and smoothly. Letting his lips attack mine, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he held me close. He breathed heavily into me, still kissing me. It was so rough yet soft, it was amazing. As he pulled away he placed a little kiss onto my forehead, his eyes closed and still holding me. I bit my lip and whispered softly and meaningly, 'I love you Calum'.