Save Me From Myself|Calum Hood FanFiction

Chapter Seven|Money Can't Buy Happiness

Calum had left a few hours ago because he had several interviews today. He promised me that he would text me and that we'd meet soon. He also promised me that I would be meeting the rest of the boys soon, I was kinda scared to be honest. They were the boys who had surrounded me that night when I collapsed because I had cut myself so majorly. I wasn't convinced that they would want to see me, they would think I was so fucked up and just a creep. I occupied myself to keep the thoughts away by watching Netflix. I was halfway through the first series of American Horror Story and I loved it. I started watching it a few weeks ago and was already addicted by the first episode.

After a few hours of watching several amazing episodes, I decided to get up. I wasn't doing anything today but didn't want to feel gross the whole day. I went for a shower, grabbing my favourite lemon shower gel. I squealed through the violent pain of the bubbles smouldering my cuts and the way the water rushed down them, it hurt so bad. After washing my dirty blonde hair I stepped out of the shower, drying myself off with one of the white pristine towels we had.

Mum and Dad were very clean people. That sounds weird, but they were those kind of people that made sure everything was perfect. There couldn't be bread crumbs on the glass dinner table, all the plates were white, all the walls were pastel colours and everything had to be rosy and good. If only they knew what went on in my mind. Our mental health services in London aren't always fabulous. We go to the shittest hospital with the shittest services, meaning I can tell the nurses that I have a therapist and my parents know everything about me and they won't check. I don't have a therapist because I never told anyone. Apart from my friends who never cared, everyone had no idea. Calum didn't know this of course.. shit. Would I have to tell him? Does he even know if I have a therapist or not? And, he knows that I lied about my parents being here, although we never spoke about it,  yet he still trusts me to be home alone..? I started panicking. I didn't really know why because my thoughts were all a little mixed up and making no sense to me. Maybe Calum forgot about me being safe? I had no idea what was going on but I started crying. I cry a lot. I'm pretty sure its just the fucked-up-ness of my mind. I just curled up in a little ball in the corner of the bathroom, crying. My thoughts were drowning me and I hated it. I felt angry with myself for crying even when I have the hottest guy in the world as my boyfriend, and I felt confused and scared about all my thoughts.

"What's going on?", I shivered beginning to feel dizzy and sick.

I just closed my eyes and lay there for a while, trying to think about other things like bands and music, shopping and band merch. It sounds weird but that stuff always makes me happy. I'm kind of a punk rock girl, I guess. My style is black skinnies and band tees. Sometimes if I'm feeling a bit girly, its skater skirts and crop tops or high waisted shorts and plaid shirts. My parents spoil me to death, buying my whatever I want. My Mum hates my style, she wants me to wear little pink floral skirts and white chiffon shirts. She tries to buy me that kind of stuff but I normally just dye it and rip it up a little to make it more grungey. Most of the time she shouts and screams because of it but Dad stops her because I'm a Daddy's girl. He loves my style because he was into the Ramones, Artic Monkeys and Nirvana when he was a teen so we get along quite well. I'm glad we do because if we didn't, he wouldn't be able to persuade Mum to buy me new ripped skinnies and more band merch.

I can snap out of my thoughts pretty quickly if I'm not majorly depressed or down which I'm thankful I can do because if I couldn't, I don't know what I would do. Now that me and Calum were 'boyfriend and girlfriend' I just thought about how upset he would be if I cut myself.. I almost didn't want to cut myself ever again. I didn't want to die anymore.. I wanted to be alive. But, deep down I knew that that would change tomorrow or tonight. I'm at my worst at night, where I'm not doing anything, where its dark and silent. The voices just mutter to me loudly.

I got up from the cold bathroom floor and walked into my closet, switching on the light to reveal all my many clothes. Yes, I have a closet. And yes, its massive. It was personally made for me when I was born and ever since, Mum fills it up with more and more clothes. Half the stuff, I've never even worn and probably never will. One side is all the pink, pastel, girly stuff that Mum likes to shove in my face. Then the other side, is the stuff I actually wear, its all black and grungey, ripped and distressed.

Before you go thinking I'm a spoilt little brat, I'm not. My parents are away a lot making shit tonnes of money and try to pay back for it by buying me loads of clothes. I don't have a pony or anything like that, they just make a lot of money and because I'm an only child, they spend most of it on me. I'm not complaning, I would just prefer to be a normal child with a drawer of clothes, not a whole closet thats the biggest room in the house. Having my parents away for months at a time does have its perks too. Mum worries all the time about me, so she leaves three credit cards here for me to use whenever I want on whatever I want. She updates them with money every few weeks. All I can say is, I could probably buy a few expensive cars with each credit card. I don't use them much, only if I really want something. But, I can say no. Its not like I go on massive shopping sprees every week or anything. She also leaves a load of money in my purse for me in cash, so I can buy food and other essentials. Its quite good having all this money in a way because I'll never run out but money doesn't buy happiness.

I picked out some black skinny jeans and a plain burgandy sweater. I grabbed my favourite black combat boots and switched the light off as I left. I've got a sweep fringe but Mum and Dad refuse to let me dye it any colour. I've always wanted to go dark red or blue.. maybe even black. But, for now I'm just a boring dirty blonde. I straightened my hair slowly, making sure there were no waves or little curls. My hair is naturally wavy with tiny curls sticking up everywhere, thank fuck for straightners. I applied my makeup, plastering my face with foundation and white powder. I'm really pale, I look like a vampire. I also put on my eyeliner. I wear really thick eyeliner and roaring black mascara, making me look like I have spider legs hanging off my eyes, in a good way though.

I skipped downstairs to the kitchen, plugging in the smoothie maker and throwing in some strawberries and banannas. I whirled them alltogether, making a yellow and red hurricane and poured the mixture into a tall glass. After slurping the liquid up, I brushed my teeth and grabbed one of Mum's credit cards, slotting it into my purse and chucking it into my black duffel rucksack.

"Time for a little shopping trip", I smirked and locked the door shut, stepping into the cold open outdoors.

Our house is a 15 minute walk from the city centre, its surrounded by a little forest and fields. It was rainy so the ground was filled with massive gaping puddles. I leaped over each one, splashing myself a little as I landed on the dirty floor.

Mum had told me before they left for Europe, that when they came home they would be picking me up to take me with them. It was my Aunty Lillie's wedding and she wanted me to get something nice. Her specific words were 'don't look like a goth please'. Meaning, don't pick out something black, grey or any other dark colour. The wedding was in Venice, so I didn't want to be too hot or too cold. Is Venice cold in the Autumn? Anyway, Mum and Dad would be coming home to pick me up. Mum said I should have everything packed and ready because they would be leaving pretty sharp. I don't really know what that means, but I gathered I should be ready to go to Venice.

A beep sounded from my phone. It was a text from Calum.

Hey! Hope your okay! Missing you. I'll come over later on tonight? x

I replied instantly, a smile spread across my face.

Yeah, sure! I'm doing fine. Miss you more ;) x

I felt cheesy saying that but I didn't care. I shrugged and continued walking. Nothing was on my mind apart from Calum. I felt happy.