AT MY BEST

Nineteen

  Tonight was the night I was going to finally come clean about the kiss from hell that happened between Jarvis and I. My future with Jordan was looking brighter by the day and there is no way I was going to let it be dimmed by a secret. The five seconds of bliss with Jarvis was just that. Yes old feelings of the good times filled my head but Jordan being the divine man that he is reminded me of why Jarvis was no good for me.

Jordan cared for me in ways I never experienced. He was considerate of my feelings something Jarvis never was. He actually tried to resolve issues we had instead of just sweeping things under the rug even if the issue was small as me crying because he left the house without saying anything to me all because he wanted me to sleep. Or the fact that he saw how much I loved being back home and found a home that reminded me of the plantation showed that he was thoughtful. So in an effort to keep my relationship intact and put the past behind me I put my black hair in a bun and applied my favorite red lipstick, I wore a over sized white dress shirt because all though I hoped Jordan would forgive me and dick me down like a naughty schoolgirl. I wanted him to take me serious without me trying to seduce him.

Just as I had sat the table, Jordan came in from work. I'm guessing the smell of steak guided him right to me in the dining room instead of making his usual b-line upstairs in the room where I usually am.

"Giselle! Baby please tell me I didn't forget any important holiday or anniversary. I know I've been busy with work and getting my Pediatric center open but I didn't think I was this disconnected." I smiled at the pure confusion that sat upon his face before pulling him close to me and giving him a kiss that made a loud smacking noise.

"No silly! No special occasion baby, I just wanted to do something nice for you because you have been working so hard. Now you may take your place at the table because dinner is served." Jordan gave me a appreciative kiss on the forehead before taking his place at the table. I poured us both a glass of wine and took a seat next to him. "What's on the menu tonight!? It smells amazing."

"We are having Filet Mignon with Asparagus and Mashed potatoes. And for dessert I made your favorite, Cookies!"

"Mhhm! Girl if I didn't think you was wife material before, you got me when you said cookies because you know that's my weakness." We both shared a laugh at his very serious addiction to cookies. I wanted to wait a while before I addressed the elephant in the room that only I was aware of. Thankfully the wine we drank took away any nerves I had for the time being. After removing my wine glass from my lips as I sipped the last bit of it from my glass, I noticed Jordan staring as if in Awe! at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked knowing that his stare wasn't of concern or that something made him feel unpleasant.

"No! Everything is perfect. You are perfect." His words that flowed with his deep voice sent chills through my body. "I mean. Giselle no woman has made me feel the way you do. Being here with you makes me feel like I had been missing out on something so wonderful and rewarding for such a long time. You've changed my life Giselle Nicole Howard. It's like my senses are heightened when we're together. I see better, smell better, think better hell baby I even breathe better.I love you. And I'm so thankful for you. And you're food is amazing." And with those words my nerves were back.

"Jordan I love you too. But I ha-" just as I'm about to tell Jordan everything he gets a phone call. He looks at his phone then back at me as if wanting to continue our conversation but unsure about if he should take the call. He takes another glance at his
iPhone and notices the caller.

"Fuck! Baby I need to take this it's my contractor for the center." Without waiting for a response from me Jordan steps out the room. Still unable to form words and being filled with anxiety I pour yet another glass of Moscato. After five minutes Jordan comes back with a unreadable expression on his face. He sighs loud and walks over to me." Baby I'm so sorry I have to go meet my contractor and lawyer to go over paperwork for the center. But I promise I will make it up to you. I know you remember our bathroom session." I smiled big remembering our bathroom encounter.

"It's okay baby go on. Kiss me when you come in." And after giving me kisses on my head and lips Jordan headed out and once again another day passes with this secret looming over my head. With tears rolling down my face I called Scottie. Without letting her even say hello I screamed....

"I tried scottie!! I fucking tried!!" I think I screamed that a thousand times in between Scottie trying to calm me down and get me to breathe. After ugly crying to her over the phone I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up thinking it was Jordan but it was Devyn coming from one of his little girlfriend's house.

"Hey wassup Gee! I ain't think you was gone be up."

"Oh! Hey I thought you weren't coming in tonight." I tried my best to hide my puffy eyes but my efforts weren't enough because my brother's happy expression turned into concern once he saw my face.

"Giselle you been crying!? Jordan do something you? Where that nigga at I'll bea-" before my brother could go any further I stopped him.

"It's okay Dev! Jordan had to go meet with his contractor that's why he's not here. And it actually is me who did something."

"Huh!? What you mean you did something,What's wrong sis?" I looked at my brother contemplating whether or not I should tell him, but one thing I can say is no matter how much we clown on one another we've always been there for each other. I swallow the lump in my throat before speaking.

"If I tell you promise you won't be an ass."

"Come on Gee! Your my sister and I love you to death. And whatever it is you're holding on to must be serious because you are crying. Please tell me. I'm all ears."

Devyn takes a seat next to me and grabs my hand into his. "After Grandma ruby's funeral we went back to the house for her repast. When it was time to go home I looked for Jarvis to tell him bye. When I found him he was drunk out if his mind and needed to go home. So of course my sympathetic dumb ass takes him home."

Devyn chuckled at my last statement because I was known to make dumb decisions based off of the fact that I felt bad  for people. Hell I gave a homeless man $100 and completely forgot I needed that money to pay off a ticket. Let's just say my brother kept me from going to jail and my mother should never know about that.

"Is that it you took him home?"

"Unfortunately No! He was so drunk out of his mind I had to bring him inside the house. And just as I'm leaving Jarvis confesses his love for me. And the-" I swallow the lump in my throat before continuing. "And then Jarvis kissed me."

"That nigga kissed you? And that's it right!? Please tell me you ain't sleep with his goofy ass?"

"No I swear I didn't sleep with him. I pulled away from him and took off running. I was so scared Jordan knew something happened and left me the next morning when I didn't see him in the house."

"Jordan don't know Gee!? You gotta tell him and soon. That man love yo ass. And I can tell you do too and this secret is killing you."

"I love him so much that I think him leaving me is what would kill me." That last statement chilled my core and a tear rushed from one eye. "Jordan seems like someone who values honesty. Come clean to that man he'll understand."

"That's the thing I tried to do that tonight. But he got the call from his contractor and had to go."

"Well when you get a moment with no distractions tell him. Give him a laxative  or something and blurt that shit out while he taking a shit and you brushing your teeth. If he got the hershey squirts he not gone put up a fight." I bust out laughing at my brother's disgusting but hilarious plan. One thing about my sweet baby brother is that he always knew how to make me laugh.

"I'll definitely take that into consideration. But for now let's get some sleep." Devyn nodded in agreement as he helped me to my feet and kissed me on my forehead. Just as I got to my bedroom door he called to me. "Aye big sis!! Always remember, I love you bih!"

"And I ain't gone ever stop loving you bihhh!" I finished as he and I share a laugh. And just like that my confidence was restored and my love for my baby brother grew even more in my heart.