From Hate to Love (A One Direction FanFic)

Chapter 29: The notes

You're running on zero hours of sleep. It's the late afternoon in London, and since nothing is arranged you have to catch a bus. A few fans on the street recognize you and pummel you with questions.

"I thought you were with the boys!"

"Why are you home so early?"

You do your best to ignore them. Your chest aches and you feel absolutely empty. Your mind is in another place, and you're aimlessly walking to your brother's flat.

Once inside, the first thing you go for is the bed. Your suitcases are scattered on the ground and you pull back the sheets. You didn't dare look at your phone. You wouldn't be able to stand looking at the numerous text messages from unknown numbers. Maybe that isn't what you're scared of. Maybe you're scared to find NO messages. That would destroy you, but that would be the best thing for everyone. If they stopped caring. If they moved on.

You lie in bed wondering what you will do once the tour is over, and the boys are back. You'd probably run from Liam's place. You'd lie low in your own. You would skip out on gigs and dinners and parties. You'd give them the ultimate distance, until they've moved on. Actually, it'd probably be best if you weren't around them even after that. You wouldn't be able to handle yourself.

You cuddle yourself in the sheets and take a deep breath. It smells like Liam. You had missed your brother so so much, and now you've screwed up your time with him. He'll be back though.

You wonder what the boys are doing. They are probably landing in California right now and getting ready for sound check. The show is suppose to be tonight. You groan. You could be there cheering your brother on, cheering your friends on, but you had to go and complicate things.  

"Please don't hate me." you whisper to yourself. You'd hate it of the boys hated you for what you've done. You imagine Zayn's eyes carelessly scanning over you, uninterested, and not willing to listen. You think of Louis' loud laughter and joking attitude disappearing as you walk up to him. You imagine your brother walking through that door saying, 'Get out. You've ruined us. You've ruined us all.' You shudder. That's a horrible feeling. You don't think about Harry or Niall. You don't want to. They don't exist to you. That's step one. Make them nonexistent to you so you can be nonexistent to them.

You feel hot tears fall from your cheeks and on to the pillows. There has got to be a better way to relieve the pain. You silently get up and slip on some sweats. You make your way to Liam's cupboard and pull out a brewer, sugar, and some tea leaves. You spoon out some Earl Grey leaves into the brewer, then put a pot of water on to boil. Tea is your stress reliever. Hopefully it will get your mind away from all the pain.

NIALL'S POV  

I remember waking up that morning at 4:30, the time we were scheduled for. My suitcase was packed and my shoes were on. I was just as ready to leave Arizona as Louis was, but those words kept haunting me.  

"I'm done here..." What did (Y/N) mean by that? Has she given up on me? I know I made it seem like I have up on her, but I feel like that whole situation hurt her more than I thought it would benefit. I thought distancing myself would make things a whole lot easier on her, but of course I had to speak my mind and give her a panic attack. Literally. I'm such a fucking idiot.

I remember leaving the room, but finding a small sheet of folded paper on the floor. I picked it up, but just before I was about to read it, Louis brushed by me.

"Let's get out of hell- I mean Arizona. Hello California and 80 degree weather! Yo, somebody wake Zayn up?" Louis said, with Eleanor's hand wrapped with his. I longed that. I longed to wrap my fingers with (Y/N)'s, but I've messed that up. Harry and I both did. Zayn opened his door and came trudging out, half asleep. Perrie followed behind him, a little more alert.