Green Eyes That See Red (NEW! UPDATING WHEN I CAN - 2019)

How tf should I feel?

I woke up early which was unusual for me. Probably the shock of last night which I was hoping I would forget by morning but it was the first thing I thought of. I made a coffee and went on my phone for a bit before getting ready for work in my usual gear and heeled ankle boots to add a little more trend. This morning I was actually looking forward to going to work as I'd be busy so my mind would be distracted. I worked through a good two hours before taking a break before finishing my last hour. I headed to the toilets to re-tie my messy bun and adjust my hoop earrings, spraying some perfume before grabbing a vanilla late and picking my favourite table outside to make the most of my 20 minute break.

I put my earphones in and picked an Arctic Monkeys song, Piledriver Waltz. I went to my bag to get my favourite horror novel to read for the 50th time and took sips of my hot latte after each page was read. I was pulled out of my book when I noticed a figure sit in the empty seat opposite me, before properly shifting my eyes from my book, I immediately knew who it was once I smelt the familiar cologne and cigarette smoke. I tried my best to keep my eyes glued to the page until I felt one of my earphones gently pulled out of my ear. I slowly looked up glaring at the fact my earphone was just pulled out my ear without tapping my arm or acknowledging me first. I closed my book, seeing a smirking Roman Godfrey. Would he ever grow out of that smirk.

His eyes went from mine to my book cover quickly before snapping back to mine.
"American Psycho huh?"
He seemed so freakin casual, like we were cool and were just two friends hanging out for the fourth time in a week. I was mad but tried to put up a front. I didn't want him to see how much he'd hurt me as he'd so clearly gotten over me, if I was ever something to get over. He sure never acted like it and certainly wasn't now.
"Yup."
I answered bluntly, looking down as I began turning the ring on my finger.
"Still your favourite?"
He asked a little less confidently. I continued to look at my hands.
"Seems so."
I relied with the same bluntness and disinterest.

"Hey."
Roman was trying to get my attention. I continued looking down.
"Naomi."
Fuck. Is all I thought as I heard him say my name after so long. I remember how I used to love the sound of it when he said it. Just like before, I felt sudden butterflies cascade round my stomach as they almost forced me to look up. Our eyes locked for what seemed like a really long time as he looked a little lost for words.
"I'm not stalking you. I wanted you to know that. I just needed.. some time, away."
Roman finally said. I didn't know if I was relieved he wasn't stalking me or sad at the fact he wasn't. Sad he didn't even want to know where I was or that I was ok.
"I live here."
I spoke again bluntly, still confused why he was talking to me like nothing ever happened between us. Roman raised his eyebrows in surprise at my words. He ran a hand through his hair licking his lips before answering.
"Shee-it."
He let out a breath as I rolled my eyes. His brows now furrowed at my reaction before asking,
"What?"
I shook my head with a disbelieving scoff, shocked at how narrow minded he was being right now. I looked back at him with a cold expression before answering,
"Roman. You told me it was best I left. Even if you didn't put it as blunt, it's pretty much what you said, so I did. I didn't need a new start, new people, liveliness. I had you, and I thought that was enough. You fucking broke my heart Roman and I never stopped thinking about you when I left. But things change and I needed my time to heal."
I softened my tone as I spoke, Roman looked at me with the saddest eyes as he listened.
"I never, I never knew I hurt you that much. I never saw myself as someone a person could love. Know that I loved you Naomi. I always did. Always have. I was scared I was hurting you by you staying. I had to fix myself."
I suddenly didn't feel the hate I had for him anymore. It's like in just the time he spoke, he'd told me the truth that I'd needed to hear almost a year ago, it was genuine and made me realise it wasn't me who fucked up.

"Roman. Why the fuck didn't you tell me when you left me? Why didn't you ask how I was or find out where I'd moved? Did you just not care anymore?"
I tried not to lose my temper and remained calm but cold. Roman hesitated, biting his bottom lip anxiously while his eyes just looked at the space beside me as if in thought. Finally his eyes came back to mine as he spoke solemnly.
"I don't know. We both know I was a fucking mess before you left. Before I told you to I mean. I never stopped caring for you, I'd constantly wonder how you were doing but taking over the business was taking up so much time and I guess I assumed you'd gone to stay with a relative or got a small place somewhere. I always knew how smart you were. You're right though, I should've.. I should've fucking stayed with you. I'm a fucking idiot, I basically did what Peter did and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Roman suddenly took my hands in his, rubbing the pad of his thumb over my ring anxiously. My eyes filled to the brim with tears as a few tumbled slowly down my cheeks. I pulled my hands from under his and quickly wiped them away before giving a faint smile and a nod, sniffing slightly because of the tears.
"I forgive you Roman. But things have changed. I'm different to when I left. You have to understand that."
Roman's face went from relieved to worried.
"You, you've met someone. Haven't you."
It was said more as an answer than a question. I looked down biting my lip before abruptly meeting his pale green eyes once more.
"Yes. I have."
I simply stated. I couldn't really figure out what Roman's expression was but it went from sad to angry as he took a breath through his nose and released it from his mouth as he ran both hands through his hair.
"Look Roman. I'm a different person to who I was when I left. Not completely but I've matured, I pay for a beautiful penthouse and hold two steady jobs. I have my own friends, I like it here. It's full of life. It's what I want."
I gave a smile as I spoke, realising I'd taken advantage of how good my life really was here. Roman kept his eyes low before replying without looking up.
"Are you happy?"
Then his beautifully large green eyes that were lined with fresh tears that pulled at my heartstrings a little met mine. I hesitated as I thought,
"Yes."
I replied simply. Roman nodded and stood up from the seat opposite me. He flicked his cigarette butt at the floor before sniffing and giving me the smallest flash of a smile saying,
"I'm staying at the Breeze Stone Hotel, Room 37. Maybe come find me. Please. I'd like to see you. Any place from there you wanna go. Just.. please."
I wasn't used to a pleading Roman, he always seemed so vulnerable when he did. I was frozen but finally answered unsurely with an uncertain,
"Ok."
Then he gave a faint smile before giving a classic Roman wink as he turned and walked away, his long legs pacing their steps as he did so.

I finished my latte and packed my book away before sitting in thought for a while, trying to figure out how I felt about Roman after seeing him after so long, after so much. I was quickly pulled from my thoughts as another worker from the cafe called me back in. I couldn't believe I'd been thinking for that long. Once I'd finished my shift, I made it home, taking a long shower before eating Chinese takeout, ending up leaving it un-finished as I sat on the window seat gazing out in thought, debating how I felt, I couldn't place my emotion. I heard my mobile ring from the table, I knew it was Darius, I felt bad as it was the first day I had completely forgotten about him, Roman always seemed to make me forget everyone else when he was in my life. Only he wasn't in my life, not anymore and it wasn't fair to do that to Darius. Things were different. I wasn't gonna just go back because Roman realised how much of an idiot he'd been and has suddenly showed up when he had months to do so.