Almost, But Not Quite (COMPLETED)

Chapter 65

#ABNQ65 Chapter 65

"Do you want anything, Ma'am?" the flight attendant asked me.

"Champagne for me," sabi nung katabi ko bago ibalik ang atensyon sa akin. "So... ituloy mo na 'yung kwento mo! Nag-usap ba kayo ni Psalm? Nagalit ba siya nung hindi ka pumayag na magrunaway kayo?"

As she continued to talk, memories began to fill my head once again.

"I can't..." I said as I stared in his eyes. Pain quickly filled his eyes. It was as if he tasted betrayal once again after years of living in it. Mabilis kong hinawakan ang kanyang kamay. "Psalm... Psalm, I need to do this."

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Why can't we do it together?" he asked. "Five years, Joey. We already wasted five years. I can't waste any more time. I refuse to."

Tumango ako habang pinupunasan ang mga luha ko. "I know... But I need this. I need to do this to breathe again. I can't live feeling like this..." I said as I reached for his hand. "I made this mistake, and everyday, it continues to haunt me. I need to do this to live with myself. Please understand."

Hindi agad siya naka-sagot. Nanatili lamang siyang naka-tingin sa akin. Nanatili akong naka-tingin sa kanya. I needed him to understand that it's not that I didn't want him with me because I do... I'd always want him by my side... but this was something that I needed to do alone.

I needed to make amends with myself.

I needed to be able to look at myself without feeling all the shame and disappointment.

"I can't waste time anymore," he said.

"But I can't live like this," I replied.

Tumingin siya sa akin. "Why do we always end up like this?" he asked. "Why do I feel like whatever happens, in the end, you'll still end up running from me?"

A forced smile was all I got. I understood where he came from, but I knew myself that I needed time to heal. Dahil alam ko na kung pumayag man akong tumakbo kasama siya, dadating iyong panahon na mapapagod ako. Na patuloy akong kakainin ng mga ginawa ko dati. Na sa huli, pareho lang kaming masasaktan.

"Someday, I'll stop running from you and start running to you."

"Do you think I'll still be here when the time comes?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. But all I know is that we're bound to get burned if we run right now."

My mind was snapped back to reality when I felt someone poking my arm. "Descending na tayo."

I looked outside. Tipid akong napa-ngiti nang makita ko ang pamilyar na airport. The sky was orange and I couldn't help but smile at the sight. Ilang buwan din nang huli akong naka-punta dito. Ilang buwan din bago ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob na bumalik.

"Ready ka na?" she asked.

I nodded. "Never been more ready," I said as I prepared to get out of the plane.

Nagpaalam na ako sa katabi ko nang makuha ko iyong mga gamit ko. If not for her, I didn't know what I would've done during the flight. Sobrang kinakabahan ako dahil pagkatapos ng ilang buwan, ngayon ko lang ulit makikita ang mga kaibigan ko... si Psalm. I was so excited, but at the same time scared. I knew Psalm and I didn't really leave things on a good note. I knew that as much as he tried to understand why I needed to leave, he didn't like the idea. Tama naman kasi siya. We already wasted so much time being apart... but this time apart was the one I needed to heal.