Portraits//lashton

✰Twenty six: Coffee & cigarettes

HELLO FRIENDS, I'M ALIVE AND WELL

it's been five years since i've updated, i know. BUT I'M HERE

Ashton

     I was sat on my floor, with my back up against my small twin-sized bed. There were Polaroids scattered across the floor space in front of me, my heart feeling heavy. There were all pictures that I took back home, mostly of Luke and I. It feels like we're so distant and far away. Sure we try to text and call each other as much as we can, but it's not the same as being with him, being able to touch him.

A big part of me regrets moving to New York City for college. I'm not with my family, I'm still getting used to the big city lifestyle, and I'm not with Luke. Luke is also a busy person because he's going to college and he has a new job. I feel like Luke is doing so much with his life, while the only thing I'm doing is sitting around moping, and reluctantly going to classes.

"Dude." My roommates voice snapped, the door shutting behind him. I looked up, and I wiped under my watery eyes. He adjusted his glasses, and he walked over to his bed and sat down. "You've got to pull yourself together. You're stuck here, and you've got to make the most of it." Cole pointed out, gesturing to the pictures on the floor.

      "Easy for you to say, you've lived in a big city like this before. I'm from a small town in Ohio, I'm not used to this yet." I complained, my fingers gently running over a picture of Luke holding my face and kissing my cheek.

"Then get used to it! You're not going to get used to living in the city by staying in your room. You have to explore it a little, go to a club or something." Cole suggested, clearly not taking anymore of my moping. He did have a really good point. I haven't made the biggest effort to try and really explore New York.

"A club?..I couldn't." I mumbled, thinking back to the last party I went to before I left Ohio. My brain flashed to Calum, and Tom, and I immediately shook my head no. If it weren't for Luke being at that party...I just can't go to a club.

"Ashton, you're going to be miserable if you wait around in here, counting the days until you can see your boyfriend. It's okay to go out and have fun. Don't hold back on your life just because Luke isn't here." Cole said, falling back onto his pillow. I thought for a moment, letting his words register into my head. Cole was very convincing.

"Will you come with me? I'm not sure if I'm going to a club, but I'll go out tonight." I sighed, beginning to put all the pictures together. Cole looked away, and he adjusted his glasses. That looked like a no. Maybe going out by myself will be good for me. A little independence.

"I actually have a lot of homework tonight, so I can't." Cole responded. I nodded my head, and I stashed away the polaroids. I stood up, having a brand new feeling of confidence. "But please, go out and have fun." He assured me. I raised my eyebrows, a smirk growing on my face.

"Why? Are you bringing a girl here? Or a guy?" I questioned, as I walked over to my closet to find an outfit to wear. Come chuckled, and he shook his head no.

"I swear, I got homework to do." He said, putting his hands up in defense. I began to rummage through my shirts, deciding that I would look cute tonight. Lately I've been rocking the 'I'm in college and I'm dead inside' look, which is complete with a hoodie and sweatpants. I used to always put together cute outfits, especially because I wanted to look good for Luke and I went to school. But lately I've just been asking myself, 'what's the point?'

      Tonight is different. Tonight will be different. I'm sure of it.

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