Good Girls Bad Guys

Who the fuck says 'good luck' when you buy a pregnancy test!?

She sat there, staring at me in silence. The silence was broken by scratching at the door. I wordlessly got up and opened it, and Charlie bounded in, jumping up at me. Despite myself, I giggled and scratched his ears. He saw Hellie over my shoulder and jumped onto Ronnie's bed, snuggling into her side. I sat down next to him and stroked him absent-mindedly, waiting for Hellie to say something. 

"Didn't you use protection?" she asked, her voice shaking. I shook my head. 

"No. We didn't have any." I sighed. She nodded, then delved back into silence. 

"There's only one thing we can do." she said, looking at me sadly. 

"And what's that?" 

"Pregnancy test, Annie." she said. I bit my lip as I felt tears in my eyes. I was so scared. I started to shake. I didn't want this. I didn't want a baby, and worst of all, neither did Ronnie. I started to panic. 

"But Hellie, Hellie, what if I am?" I said. She shrugged. 

"Then you are. You could always abort it." she said plainly. I shook my head. 

"I'm pro-life." I explained. She shrugged again. 

"Then I guess you could give it up for adoption?" she suggested. It was a good idea, but at the thought of it, I got scared. 

"No. I would keep it. I couldn't give away my child. Especially..." I began, but let the sentence drift off. I was going to say "especially Ronnie's child", but that would make me sound insane.

"Okay, so if you are, you tell Ronnie. That's the first thing you're going to have to do." she said firmly. I felt my heart drop. 

"Can't we just deal with this later? When we know the results?" I said desperately. She shook her head. 

"No, we can't, because if it turns out you are, you're going to be too freaked out to listen to me, so we have to set the game plan now." she told me sternly. I smiled a little bit. She knew me so well. Charlie whimpered and I started scratching his ears again. He was such an attention whore. 

"Right. When are we going to get it then?" I said, trying to keep my voice steady. She shrugged. 

"No time like the present." she said cooly. Fuck. I'd been afraid she'd say something like that. 

The car drive to the pharmacy was quiet and awkward. When we left, Hellie kissed Jacky goodbye, and I looked at Ronnie, but he just gave me a dismissive wave. I bit my lip and stared out the window as I remembered it. He was angry at me, and with every reason to be, but I wished that he would get over it. Something was telling me that I'd need him more than ever now. 

"You shouldn't have pushed him away like that." Hellie said, breaking the silence. Before, I'd have been freaked out by the comment, but I've learned recently that Hellie is good at reading people, so she could have easily guessed what I was thinking. I sighed. 

"I know. I was scared." 

"So you pushed away the one person who could comfort you?" 

"On the contrary. He's the reason why I'm scared."

"Why?" she asked. I took a deep breath. 

"What if he leaves? What if I'm pregnant, and I tell him, and he leaves me?" I asked, my voice shaking. 

"He loves you."

"But he won't love the baby. You know as well as I do, he won't want me to stay with him if I have a baby, no matter how much he loves me." I retorted. She was silent for a few mintues, the only sound was the dull hum of the radio. 

"Maybe you're not pregnant." she sighed. I felt a wave of panic come over me again. She couldn't reassure me. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop myself from crying, and I didn't open them until Hellie parked the car. I slid out of the car and walked up to the shop without a word to her. I was too nervous to speak. We walked through the store until we found the tests. She grabbed three of them and shoved them into my hands. She walked a little bit ahead of me as I trailed behind. Not because she was pissed off at me, but because we attracted less attention when people didn't see us together. I held the boxes carefully. These little tiny boxes contained little tiny contraptions that had the capability to change my life. I scanned the back. On these particular tests, a red line would appear if I was pregnant, and the test would remain blank if I wasn't. It was simple, but potentially fatal. I handed the tests to the cashier, who was looking at me almost sympathetically the whole time. Before I left, I could have sworn I saw her mouth 'good luck'. 

The car ride home was quiet. Hellie turned the radio on at one point, but it felt weird and out of place, so she turned it off again. How did I get here? I never imagined that my life would end up like this. I thought I would forever be that businesswoman who had everything, I'd marry Charlie, maybe we'd have a couple kids later. But not this. I never expected to practically live on the road with a guy who basically stalked me in highschool and I might be carrying his child. I sighed. No, my life hadn't turned out as planned at all. I looked at Hellie, my best friend and thought of the boys - my boys. Derek with his sweet and funny nature, Ron who was sort of the 'joker' of the band, Ryan who was a terrible, shameless flirt, Jacky who was simply lovely in every way, and Ronnie. Ronnie who was easily hurt, quick to jump to conclusions, hypocritical, rude, vain, uncaring, selfish, vindictive and I was madly in love with him. I smiled a little bit and rested my head against the back of the seat. My life may have turned out differently to how I'd planned, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  

We got back to the house, and without a word I ran upstairs and into the bathroom, the three tests in the bag. I threw the bag onto the floor and pulled one of the boxes out. I quickly scanned the instructions, and then did what had to be done. I put the test on top of the windowsill and used the other two tests, putting them next to the first. Then, it was a matter of waiting. The boxes said to leave the tests for 5 minutes, so I did. At one point, Hellie texted me asking if I was okay, but I didn't reply. Those five minutes were the scariest and longest of my whole life. What if I was positive? Ronnie wouldn't want the baby, but I wouldn't want to get rid of it. If I was honest with myself, I'd always wanted a child. But I wanted Ronnie too. I put my head in my hands. 

"Don't think like that, Annette. You don't know for sure yet." I mumbled to myself. I looked down at my phone. It'd been six minutes. I could have looked at the results a minute ago. I could have ended this torture a whole sixty seconds ago. I mentally kicked myself, but I stood up and walked over to the sink. I wanted to procrastinate and put this off, but I needed to know. I timidly looked at the first test. It was negative. I breathed a sigh of pure relief, and felt little bubbles of laughter in my throat. How silly I was! I had the flu and suddenly I assumed I was pregnant? How ridiculous! In high spirits, I turned my attention to the final two tests. My heart dropped and my breath caught in my throat. My head spun, and I had to hold onto the windowsill to keep myself upright. 

They were both positive.