Letting Go

chapter 7

Last night after helping mum with the dishes Liam followed Sam to his room to play videogames, I think this was Sam's way of telling him that he is there for him. Sam in a combination of Noah and I, in certain situations he is a talker and confident then other times he is quiet and reserved.

As mum and I were watching some reality show Noah and Hailey arrived, we were expecting them earlier in the afternoon ut they got delayed. They told mum some excuse about tire puncher, but I didn't t believe it even for a second. I know my brother and knowing him, I'm sure he wanted to stay at the hotel or grandma's house instead of coming home.

Noah and dad don't have a very good relationship so he avoids home like plague. I truly don't know why their relationship is so strained, each time I ask him he changes the subject or tells me I will not understand. I'm sure mum knows because once upon a time Noah was hostile with her too.

I went to my room after they arrived and took a shower before climbing in bed to sleep. Liam came in with his hair still wet and I figured he showered in Sam's bathroom. He smiled at me as he came closer and got into bed, the sadness that I found in his eyes broke my heart.

I gave him a hug and he clung to me like a child and sobbed. One thing about Liam is that he is an emotional being, he is not one to musk his feelings, especially around people he trusts.
He has always been overprotective of his little sisters and losing Lily might hit him harder than the rest of us, when their parents walked their asses to provide them with everything they needed Liam was the one taking care of them.

Seeing Liam break down like that was a punch in the gut for me, it was like a final push that I needed to fully come to terms with the fact that she is gone and never coming back. I don't know how long we stayed that way but at some point we fell asleep and suddenly I was not in my room anymore.

I was in New York in our apartment with Lily, she was laying in our kitchen floor wearing a baby pink dress covered in blood. Her eyes were bloodshot looking directly at me yet I could tell she was no more, her lips were moving and I heard voices in my head chanting "it is your fault I'm here" over and over again. I closed my eyes and ears to block out everything and when I opened my eyes again it was me on the kitchen floor wearing the same dress Lily was wearing covered in blood. I screamed....

"Kitten, wake up it's just a nightmare" I heard Liam's voice in a distance and I woke sweating and crying. Liam kept rocking me back and forth telling me it's just a dream trying to calm me down.

Later that morning Liam went home to be with his family and for majority of the day I looked like a ghost. My eye were puffy from lack of sleep, exhaustion, and crying. I stayed locked up in my room the entire day, my phone on silent and long forgotten somewhere in my room. I refused to go down for breakfast and lunch, Hailey knocked on my door later that evening and brought me supper, I only ate half of my supper, but she was glad nonetheless.

...................

I wake up to the banging on my door on Friday morning "mum said I should wake you up" Sam says in the other side if my door. I wake up and unlock my door to cone face to face with Sam looking pleased with himself.

"Fine, can you now stop banging my door." I glare at him and he rolls his eyes mumbling drama queen under his breath.

"I heard that you jerk." I yell at him closing my door.

"That was the plan you witch." he shouts making me laugh. Sam and I's relationship mostly consists of banters and his pranks. I love that he never treats me with kid gloves even when I'm going through my worst.

I make my bed before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. Mum bought me a black dress with long sleeves, I'm glad she did because I seriously don't know what I was going to wear today.