Letting Go

chapter 28

When Hayden was done with his meal as he called it, I went upstairs to change into actual clothes. I ended up wearing a yoga pants and a shirt Hayden left at my place the last time he was here. When I got downstairs, Hayden had already ordered food and when I argued that I was hoping we could cook together he said he wants to hold me and that cooking would prevent that.

So we ate Chinese for lunch and cuddled on the couch while an episode of suits was playing on the TV screen in front of us. We weren't even watching, it was simply serving as background noise while we talked about how our week was. Hayden told me about the new client at his work who was hard to please, Hayden specializes in private law.

The client was suing his partner for fraud of funds, he wanted his partner to do jail time and couldn't understand that his partner made sure to cover his tracks and implicated him too. There was no way of proving that he was not aware of what was going on right under his nose, because he had signed some of the papers that would be used as evidence that he also knew of the ongoings in his business.

I could tell that this past week was hard on him, he hardly slept trying to find something in the paperwork his boss gave him to look for anything suspicious.

"Are you ready for work tomorrow" he had
asked me after talking about his client.

'I know tomorrow it's just orientation and me shadowing my supervisor, but I'm super nervous' I told him.

"I'm sure you will do great once you get used to the place"

'Yeah, probably' I sighed getting lost in my head.

"I can hear your mind overworking, talk to me"

'Everyone has been saying I should go to therapy and try to deal with Lily's passing and I kept saying no. Now that I'm about to be around people who are suffering from one thing or another, I wonder if I can help people yet I have my own issues that I run away from'

"I understand what you mean, why don't you want to go see a therapist?" His voice was so low, as though afraid I will stop talking.

'Im afraid that I will forget her, and also scared of how messed up I truly am. What if I'm broken beyond repair?' I whispered, this was the first time I had admitted why I didn't want to go to therapy.

When Hayden heard this, he got off the couch and kneeled in front of me and said, "you will not forget her, therapy will only help you come to terms with her passing and help you cherish and celebrate what you had with her"

As a few tears left my eyes, he caught them with his fingers and wiped them off. I didn't look at it the way he was portraying it to me right now, since Lily passed away I hardly uttered her name or even enjoyed the simple things we used to love.

'I didn't think of it that way' I smiled sadly at him. 'I will ask Layla to recommend someone here in New York'

"You don't want to see anyone from your work?"

'So they can look at me like a crazy person, hell no baby' I laughed.

It's not that I thought they would look at me differently, I wanted to keep my private life out of my work place.

"I'm still crazy about you, you know" he pressed his lips to my forehead.

'And I'm crazy about you advocate'

.........................

I wake up to find Hayden kissing my collarbone on Monday morning. "Good morning my love" he says with a smile on his face. It is indeed a good morning.

'Morning baby' I close my eyes enjoying how hot his kisses make me feel.

"I would love to kiss you down to your toes, but I might be late if we go down that path" he kisses my lips and gets out of bed.

As Hayden goes in the bathroom to shower, I get out of bed and make up the bed. I see my  phone lighting up with a text, when I unlock my phone I see a text from Noah and another from Arabella. I kept in touch with her after leaving Italy.

"Have a great first day at work pumpkin ❤️"

"Liam told me it's your first day as an intern today, have a great one"

I reply their texts before going to the closet to choose an outfit for today. The weather is still cold and chilly so I decided on black dress pants, nude blouse and baby blue blazer. Mo had suggested I wear this outfit with black stilettos I bought on Saturday, but I decided to wear a shorter heel. It might be a long day at work, I don't want to be walking around with painful feet by the end of the day.

Hade gets out of the bathroom, dressed in the clothes from yesterday as we hadn't planned to have a sleepover. "I have to rush home to get changed love, I will call you later"

'Okay baby, have a great day' I kiss his cheek as he walks out. I follow him to the front door to lock it as it is pretty early and one can never be too safe these days.

After locking the front door, I rush to my bathroom so I can have shower, I smile when I remember that Hayden smelled like me when he got out of the bathroom. He will be smelling like me all day at work and everyone will know that he didn't sleep at home last night.

It's 6:15 when I get out of the bathroom, I have to be at work by 9AM so I still have a lil bit if time. I wear the clothes laid out of the bed and go downstairs to make cereal, I am not sure if I will be able to stomach it due to how nervous I feel. After eating a few spoons I feel like I'm going to vomit, so I stop and return to my bedroom to make sure I look presentable.

I'm not much of a makeup so I only put mascara and my lips are coated with lip gloss, I don't want to look too much on my first day so these will have to do. My hair is in a ponytail and my ears are decorated by earrings that Layla bought for me last Christmas. When I am happy with my look I take my handbag and toss my phone, and wallet in it, not forgetting my hand lotion and lip gloss.

'Enjoy your first day sweet, come over for supper' I text Mo before going out. Mo studied Architecture and interior designing. Six years ago, back at home in Florida, Mo designed and built her younger brother a tree house. At the time she wasn't sure if she could really make a living from her love for design and drawing and turn it into a career.

When his younger brothers' friends saw his tree house they all wanted Mo to build them tree houses. Their parents had to cough up money to buy supplies and pay Mo for her work. Mo's mum encouraged her to make her love into a career when she saw her designs and how much her daughter loved it.

By 7:30AM I am out of my apartment, Monday morning traffic is always bad so I decide to take a can instead of driving myself to work.

Here we go, I hope it turns out to be a great productive day.

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Kikipee 💙