Letting Go

Chapter 50

These past days being at home has been good on me, Noah might have caused a stir by telling mum about my pregnancy while I was planning on telling her myself, but it's water under the bridge. On Sunday afternoon, Hade and I invited our parents for lunch and answered whatever question they had regarding our pregnancy.

We made it clear that we are keeping the baby, with or without their support. We didn't doubt Scarlett's support, but I didn't know what to expect from mum and Paul. For all I know mum could have disowned me like her mum did decades ago, you never know how genetics work.

"I won't lie and say I'm not disappointed that you got pregnant before marriage like I did, but I know that you are old enough to make your own decisions. We are here whenever you need us." Mum said with teary eyes.

There are still some issues I need to iron out before I can go back to Manhattan, Dr Pepper gave me an assignment to do while in Orlando. She said that part of the reason I can't seem to move on from Lily's death is because I haven't forgiven myself, and because I didn't get any closure as she died instantly.

So my assignment is the reason I am at the cemetery this morning, I'm not sure how visiting the cemetery will help me, but here goes nothing.

Here lies Liliana Sarah Jacobs
A daughter~A sibling~A friend
DOB: 27 March 2001
DOD: 17 June 2022

I place the lilies I brought with me next to the head stone and run my fingers crossed her name. My usual sweaty and trembling hands are steady today, unlike the last time I was here.

'Hi Lily, I don't know if your mum told you that the police found the guy responsible for your d- death.. they didn't arrest him or anything cus he took his own life before they could throw him in jail.

Anyway, that's not why I'm here. I have news that I wish you were here with us. I'm pregnant, can you imagine? M-me pregnant! I still can't believe it. I mean I was the nun, yet here I am now. I know you would be planning a massive baby shower right about now.

I have been seeing a psychologist and she said I should come here and talk to you about everything, but I have decided to leave some for whenever I come join you in the afterlife because if I were to tell you everything then I would be here all week.

On a serious note though, I don't know if forgiving myself is possible when I don't know if you have forgiven me.'

"There's nothing to forgive, if she were here she would tell you that." Says a voice I recognize as Luke's voice.

I look behind me and behind me stands Lily's dad, Luke, holding white roses, which were a Lily's favourite and remain Kayla's favourite. Her love for roses stems from her adoration of of this particular rose, she often asked her mum why she never named her Rose instead of Lily. Her mother's answer was "Everyone prefers roses, I wanted a unique flower like a lily for my garden."

'Hey Luke, I didn't know you were coming. I could-' I stop myself from when something clicks in my mind.

'It's Wednesday.' I state knowingly.

"You still remember?" He asks trying to hide his teary eyes from me.

'How could I forget, even in college she would drag me with her for an ice cream date.' I say with a laugh and Luke joins in.

When Luke and Layla were still busy with their careers, Luke would take the girls out for ice cream. This became tradition for him and the girls, while Liam got to spend time alone with his dad on Friday nights. So when we went to uni, they settled for face time, and it meant I have to get ice cream with Lily.

'Let me go so you can talk to her.' I tell Luke giving him a hug and turn to leave.

"I meant what I said, Lily would be happy for you. So do me a favour alright?" He say with a smile.