Letting Go

chapter 22

What do you think about Thomas Barbusca as Sam?

I couldn't sleep a after that nightmare, all that is running through my mind is what Lily kept saying in the dream. Is she right? Would she be alive if I went with them to that party? Could I have prevented her accident?
To make matters more here I am fooling around with Hayden.

I haven't gone to Lily's grave since I got home, maybe it's time I go to visit Lily. What kind of friend am? I take my phone to check what time it is and see that it's just before 5AM. I start thinking about everything Lily said on in these nightmares, the dream is the same what changes are her words. Some times she accuses me of killing her so I can have Hade to myself.

What if that's what everyone is going to think about me once they know that I have been spending time with my best friend's boyfriend? Is this thing with Hayden worth being judged by everyone?

These questions make my ears start ringing and all I see is Lily screaming that it's my fault, my breathing gets heavy. I keep on trying everything that I was taught at the hospital, I try reading backwards,I try to think of my happy place and breathing through my nose, but nothing seems to work.

I take my phone and speed dial, my vision is blurry so I am not sure if I called the right person. I wait for Liam to answer my call, but it keeps on ringing. I drop the call my eyes teary, as I'm struggling to breath my door opens and Sam walks in.

"Sis, what's going on?" I hear Sam from a distance.

"Liam, it looks like she can't breath man, I don't know what to do. Maybe i should call mum,she will know what to do" Sam says sounding hysterical.

Sam keeps rubbing my back while listening to whatever Liam is saying. "okay pumpkin, listen to Liam voice please" he says putting the phone on speaker.

"Kitten, listen to me, follow Sam's breathing okay? Breath with him and Sam keep eye contact with her and keep rubbing her back, breath in and out slowly" Liam says sounding scared.

We do the breathing for a few minutes then Sam brings me some water to drink. "I'm sorry I missed your call kitten, are you okay now?"

'I am fine now Liam, thanks for calling Sam'

Sam walks in bringing me a glass of water. 'Thanks, where did you get a key to my room'

Before Sam says anything Liam startles us since we somehow forgot he was still on the phone call. "Why did you lock your door Victoria, what if Sam didn't get a key to your room?"

'I know okay! It was wrong of me to lock my door. I just thought it would help me sleep better or something' I look on the floor ashamed to admit that I'm wrong.

"Don't do it again. When did you start having panic attacks?" Liam asks

'It's been months now, they started after finding out about Lily?'

"Have you thought of talking to someone?" His voice is low, he knows how I feel about therapy.

'We will talk later, Liam'

"I won't push you, but please give it some thought" he drops the call

Sam is about to sneak out of my bedroom, but I stop him

"So where did you get the key to my room?" I ask Sam not letting it go.

"You remember back then when you used to lock your room when you out with your friends and I would snoop in? Well I stole mum's spare keys of the entire house to see which one was yours"

'That was years ago' I laugh then continue' does mum know that you took my key or did you make a copy?'

"She doesn't know and don't think about telling her or else I will let her know that you and Lily used to invite boys home"

' You are such a dork, we didn't invite boys. I was tutoring Chris and his friend tagged along because he liked Lily' I cannot Sam

'No get out of my room so I can try to sleep' I shoo him from my bed and he goes for the door shaking his head. 'Sam, thank you' I give him a smile and he returns one.

........................

I wake up after ten in the morning with a headache, I should ask Layla for sleeping tablets. After making my bed I go to the bathroom to do my morning routine. I look at myself in the mirror and the girl looking back at me looks tired and troubled. My eyes are red and my hair is all over the place.

I walk downstairs to find mum and Sam washing dishes. "Morning baby, you look tired are you okay?" Mum questions me as soon as she sees me.

'Morning, I'm okay mum. Are not going to work?'

"I called in that I will be late because I was hoping we could eat breakfast together, but Sam said you went to bed late"

'Maybe, I will pop in the restaurant tomorrow and we can have lunch. Is that okay?'

"That's sounds like a plan, your breakfast is in the oven. I should go" she kisses my head on her way out.

I walk to the microwave to take out my breakfast and pour some lemonade, eating in silence at the breakfast bar. Sam is standing besides me looking like he wants to say something. 'What is it Sammy, you look like you want to say something'

"Do you have any plans today?"I ask Sam

'Nope, I'm free till later'

'You don't have to stay home you know.I will be fine on my own' I don't want Sam to stay home because of me.

"Yes I know,your a big girl"he says teasing me. "But I was thinking we should go out"

'Where?'

"That's a surprise, just be ready after lunch and then we will go"

'Okay, see you later Sammy boy' he hates being called Sammy boy.

"Don't call me that" he groans heading for the door.

"Hey Lisa, are you here for me or Vicky?"

"Definitely not you, is Vicky home?"

'Come in sweet' I shout so she hears me

"Hi, I was home alone and decided to come see you. Is it okay?"

'What! stop being crazy doll. You are always welcome here.' I stand up to pour lemonade for Lisa.

"Thanks, do you mind going to Lily's grave with me?" Lisa asks.

'No it's ok, I was planning on going there some time this week. Let's go tomorrow, Sam has something planned for me, you are invited'

"What did he plan?" She asks seeping her lemonade.

'One can never know with Sam, I just hope it's not something stupid' Lisa laughs then says "Knowing him we are definitely going to regret allowing him plan something on his own"

As much I trust my lil brother, he knows next to nothing when it comes to girls. All I can hope is that whatever he is planning is something I will enjoy.

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Don't you just love Sammy, he is a sweetheart 😍😍

Kikipee ❤️