Letting Go

Chapter 15

It's the first week of December and exam are almost over. I have been busy these past two weeks preparing and studying for the exams and it's working in my favour, because it means Mo will not bring up Hayden every five minutes. Weeks following Jamie's party Hayden stopped texting and calling, if Mo didn't keep me up to date with what's going on I would have thought he disappeared the face of the earth or something.

 
Last week of November he texted me saying he misses me, I was torn apart because I wanted to tell him how much I missed him too, but I knew if wouldn't be fair on him because I was still not ready to be with him If I am being honest, I have never appreciated exam time as I do now. It has given me a valid reason to avoid Hayden.

He has been trying to talk to me for the past week and I sent him a text telling him I'm busy with examinations. I know deep down he knows that I'm avoiding him. There's a part of me that wants me to give us a chance, but I know Lily will be at the back of my mind each time I am with Hayden.

I know I can't ignore him forever, at some point I will have to talk to him and stop acting like a teen. I will be in New York for about a week or two before going to Orlando. I will be spending Christmas in Italy with Lily's brother Liam, there was so much left unsaid and I'm not ready to go home and face all that.

Lily has always wanted Mo and I to visit Italy with her, but we never got to it. These past year her family visited Liam, and always extended the invite to me, but I felt like I will be intruding so I always declined.

Only Noah and Mo know of my Christmas plans because I know my mum will flip when she finds out. Speaking of Noah I haven't visited them for a weeks now, he makes it his mission to call me each week. Hailey sometimes stops by over the weekend, she brings junk food and movies then we say nothing most of the time.

She knows how much I need a silent friend who will let me cry without no care in the world. I told her about Hayden the last time she was here, and she told me that I should focus on getting myself better and used to the idea of Lily's death. Now I see why Noah is so crazy about her, she is a beauty with brains and has a heart of gold. Hailey and Mo are the only people who got a glimpse of how much the nightmares I get torture me.

They are not frequent but I still get them at least twice in one week, at one point I decided it's best to get sleeping medication just so I can be awake in lectures. I'm at a point where half the time I'm sleepy or moody, because I don't get enough sleep at night. I don't want to depend on medication so sometimes I don't take them.

....................

I received a text from Monica saying I should meet her at our usual spot about 20 minutes ago. It's a norm for me to rush out of my apartment these days, I rush out almost leaving my phone knowing that she is already waiting for me. The little bell jingles alerting everyone in the coffee shop that a new customer has worked in. I see Mo looking up and waving her hand as she continues speaking on the phone.

I walk to the counter to order coffee and blueberry muffins for the both of us. Mo is still on the call when I get to our table and by the look in her face I can tell than it's  Jamie on the other side of the call. Mo cuts the call when she sees the waitress bringing our food.

'Somebody is in loveee' I tease Mo causing her to blush and the smile on her face is so big.

"I never thought I would say those three words to anyone in this life time, but I love Jamie my friend he makes me feel so loved and cared for. It's like the more I get to know him the more I fall in love with him"

'I'm glad you feel that way Mo, it's so good to see you giggling and blushing and oh my God you are glowing girl'

"What can I say, the sex with him is out of this world. Thinking about him going down on me hard makes me all hot and bothered"

I laugh trying to stop her, I don't want to know about her sex life, but Mo has always been vocal about everything in her life.

'Monica please shut up I don't want to puke, ewwwww' I try not to think of Mo and her boyfriend's sex life.

"You don't know what you are missing, and you haven't dated in two years now. Are you sure you don't swing the other way love, when are you swiping that V card?"

I only dated two guys in my twenty one years of life. The first guy I dated was in senior year, we only dated for five months before he thought it was a good idea to go and cheat on me with the cheerleader captain.

My second boyfriend was a guy Mo and Lily hooked my up with here at campus during our second year. The only problem was that he was too shy and we had no chemistry what so ever and since then I made sure that I don't agree to any blind dates they planned.

I don't want to give my V card to just anyone. Call me old fashioned, but I don't want to sleep with anyone just so I can say I'm not a virgin anymore, I believe sex should be had by people who love each other and not just scratching an inch. I don't judge those who don't have the same beliefs as I do, each to their own.

'I don't need a boyfriend, after the holidays I will start my three months internship. Where will I get time for dating?' Mo huffs and rolls her eyes.

Mo and I continue talking, telling me how much I'm missing out on and that I need to get laid. When we finish our coffee we argue about paying the bill, Mo wins by saying the least she can do for poor single me is to settle the bill and off we go to the library to do more studying.

With the way we are going we have to graduate come hell or high water. We spend three hours at the library before calling it a night. Mo is writing her last paper tomorrow while I still had two more papers to write.

When I arrive home I am exhausted and don't feel like cooking so I order Chinese and take a shower before my dinner arrives. It's getting colder by the day meaning snow is on the way so I take out warm PJs to wear, just as I am about to head downstairs there's a knock at my dock indicating that my food has arrived and I run downstairs, almost falling on my face.

I take my wallet then open the door to pay for my order. 'Thank you, please keep the change' I smile at the delivery man before locking my door my door. I walk over to the living room and stuff my face with the delicious food as I check if I have any messages or emails. I find one message from dad asking how exams are going, and another one was from Hayden asking the same thing as dad. I replied to dad first then later replied Hayden

'Not very good, I am exhausted and can't wait to see myself graduate'

"Stop being dramatic, I'm sure you are doing well"

'I hope you are right Hayden'

"I am. You have always been a nerd so I have high hopes for you"

'Yeah yeah, says the big shot lawyer'

"Speaking of law I have to check some cases, so have a goodnight Tori and thank you for replying, I didn't think you would"

'Night'

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