Letting Go

chapter 3

Noah arrives after my phone call with Lily, he drops his keys, and briefcase on the counter the strolls to Hailey and hugs her from behind. I watch them for a while, and it's so obvious how much these two love each other, they are in their own world right now.

"I'm happy you came pumpkin, I missed you. Let me help you set the table." Noah says before giving me a hug.

We sit around their small table, and dig in while making small conversation. Noah is asking Hailey how her day was, and pays attention to every detail she shares. I love how it's clear that he is not just asking to fill the silence, but he truly wants to know how she is. They remind me of our parents, their love and devotion to each other.

We continue to make small talk, and laugh at Noah's lame jokes around the table. When we are done with eating, Noah takes the plates and puts them in the dishwasher while Hailey and I choose a movie to watch. We settle for "Turning Red" and Noah complains throughout, we then decide to watch "Sweet Girl" because it was Noah's choice and we got him to keep quiet at last. It's after twelve, and we have watched two movies already.

"Let's go to bed, Noah is about to fall asleep." Says Hailey yawning and we decide it's a good idea.

They go to their room while I head to the guest room. Hailey and Noah wanted a bigger apartment when they moved in together, the guest room comes in handy when I visit so I'm not complaining.

.......................

I wake up to my phone ringing loudly by the bedside. Who could be calling at such an ungodly hour?

"Hello" I answer the phone without opening my eyes.

"Tori, it's-it's Lily. Sh- she just got hit by a car" Mo says through tears, and this wakes me up completely.

"What car? What are you saying Mo?" I get out of bed and turn on the lights.

"We were leaving to go to Hayden's place and she was, she was the first one to go out. Few minutes after, we heard noise and it's Lily." There are sirens in the background, and I can hear people talking.

"Is that the ambulance?" I ask trembling. How did things take such a turn?

"Monica, talk to me! What is going on? Is Lily okay, are you okay?' I shout when I don't hear a word from Mo, all I hear on the end of the phone is multiple people talking. I put my phone on speaker and wear yoga pants and shirt I was planning on wearing the next morning. Speaking of morning, it's after two in the morning.

"There's so muc- there's so much blood. Please come Tori, I don't, I can't help her..." She says sobbing, till I can't hear what she is saying.

There's this heavy feeling in my chest, and my throat burns. I hear a whimper, not even realizing that it's from me. I can't cry, not now. I hear another whimper, then a strangled sob is all that fills the small bedroom I am residing in.

Time stops moving, I hear a door opening as I drop to the floor, and next thing I hear is Noah saying something, but my mind can't catch on. I see Hailey on my phone speaking to someone. The world around me starts to spin, I feel nauseous and I run to the nearest bathroom. I puke out all my dinner probably my lunch too and, Noah  holds my hair, and rubs my back.

Few moments later Hailey tells Noah we have to go. From there I can't catch on, the drive is endless, I don't know where we are going, but at the moment I couldn't care less.

My best friend is probably gone, Mo didn't say much, but the heavy feeling in my chest tells me to expect the worst. I don't want to be negative, but there is emptiness within me. My heart aches, there's this deep hole that has appeared, as though someone ripped out my heart.

When we arrive at the hospital Noah opens my door, and helps me out. He talks to the receptionist once we are inside the hospital, and we take the elevator, Noah looks at me, and there's a deep frown on his face. He seems helpless.

I see Monica after getting off the elevator, I look at her hoping I will see a grin of some sort to say this is just a prank. Her makeup is ruined, mascara rolling off her cheeks with tears. She clings to me like a child in pain, I feel her tears soaking the sweater I am wearing, we stand in the middle of the hallway for a few minutes, Noah and Hailey giving us this moment to ourselves. I am the first one to pull away, searching for something in her eyes. Anything.

'What did the doctors say? Hailey called her parents, and they will get here tomorrow.'

"She lost a lot of blood, and didn't make it to the hospital. Sh- she died on our way here." Mo says with a whimper.

I don't hear any word Mo says after the words "she died on the way here" her lips keep moving, but I can't hear anything. I feel like I am suffocating, my vision gets blurry, my mouth feels dry, the ringing in my ears intensifies, and I feel my lungs give up on me, the last thing I see before my version goes black is a silhouette of Hayden.

....................

Beep beep beep

I hear the sound and it takes me few minutes to realize where I am, and then everything that happened comes rushing in all at once. Lily. Lily is gone.

The machines in the room start to beep more faster, I hear people talking all the once. What is happening to me? Why do I feel like I am suffocating?

Everything goes black again.

I wake up sometime later, I see mum sleeping in the hospital couch in my room. If mum is here it surely means I have been out for more than a few hours.

"Mum" I wake her up with a hoarse voice, she slowly opens her eyes, then smile at me.

"Oh baby! I was so worried about you. How do you feel?"

"I'm thirsty, may I have a glass of water? How long have I been here? Where is Noah and Hailey?" I ask her while trying to sit upright.

"I'm not entirely sure how long you have been here. The doctor gave you a sedative early this morning so you could rest, I sent Noah home to get some rest"

A nurse comes in just as mum gives me a glass of water.

"Hello, Victoria, good to see you are awake. I am nurse Kiera, in charge of you today. How are you feeling? Any chest pains?"

"No, I feel okay now." I tell her.

"Okay the doctor will be here to do a last minute check up before we discharged you." She tells me and, then walks out after checking my vitals.

A few minutes pass, and a slim petite woman around forty years comes in. I guess she is my doctor, she ask me a few questions which I don't have trouble answering. "Was it the first time you struggled to breath?" she inquires.

"Yes" I answer shortly.

"Okay, what you experienced was a panic attack. I want you to do breaths exercise whenever you feel angry or sad. Try not to get too stressed, work out and eat healthy, but for now I want you to take things easy. I'm not going to give you any medication for now, but if you have any concerns call me"

After the doctor briefed me about my health, mum goes to sign the discharge papers then we go to Noah's place. The whole thing feels like a nightmare, it has to be a nightmare. Right?