Letting Go

chapter 21

I chose Jenna☝🏼as Lisa. Happy reading!!

I was home alone the entire day after my parents went to work going through old pictures. My dad is a vet and has his own clinic in town, and mum is a chef at her parents restaurant. Dad mostly has flexible hours especially in the mornings, as for mum she has been working part time at the local restaurant. When we moved to Orlando almost twelve years ago, mum became a stay home mum for about two years and only went back to when Sam was in elementary school.

It used to frustrate mum that both Noah and I didn't follow into her footsteps to study the the cuisines and become chefs. It was her dream to be joined by one of her children in her restaurant kitchen like she did with her parents, so you can imagine how sad she was when Noah went into law and I into psychology.

My reason for choosing psychology was to help children who have mental health issues and to also equip parents with the knowledge on how to support their children. For years now I have been battling with self esteem and conveying my feelings towards others, especially my mum. She and I didn't always have a good relationship, I'm not even sure if I can say it's good relationship, because there's a lot of unsaid things.

As for dad, he has always been the middle man between Noah and I's relationship with mum, she wasn't always the best parent when we were growing up. She worked long hours and we hardly saw her, things only changed a few years after Sam was born.

Mum got pregnant with Noah when she was only 18 doing her first year in culinary school in New York and dad was 22. Dad bumped into her at a poetry club his friend performed at and he was smitten, they hooked up that night and she fell pregnant. When her parents heard the news they disowned her and dad took her in and married her without both their parents' blessings.

Dad had graduated a year before meeting mum and had just started working as an assistant, he didn't earn much but coming from old money had it's perks. He encouraged mum to go back to work after Noah was born and paid for her fees using his trust fund, and hired a nanny to look after Noah during the day. After two years after graduating from the culinary school mum got pregnant with me, at the time she was a junior chef.

Both our parents were busy with the growing careers, even though we hardly saw dad in the mornings before school, he made sure to attend any school events and spend time with us every weekend. Mum was making a name for herself in New York to impress her parents and prove that she still made it, the more popular she became at the restaurant the less time she was home.

Melinda, our nanny took us to school and was with us at the dinner table each night, twice or so in a week dad would join us for supper. It was then that our parents started arguing more each day, I can't remember much because I was only four years at the time. I don't know what the fights were about, but I remember Noah telling mum that maybe if she wasn't so caught up in her career all those years ago she would have noticed how much he has changed.

I am brought out of memory lane by the front door opening and closing.

'Sam, is that you' Isn't it a bit early for him to be back from school. It's only after lunch.

"Yeah, Lisa wasn't feeling well so I brought her home" Sam comes in and drops his school bag on the couch before sitting down.

'What's wrong with her, is she suck'

"She has been complaining of cramps since third period at school so the school nurse asked me to drop her off" he states

'Are her parents at home?'

"I don't think so, why?" He looks at me looking bored.

'And you left her all alone, how can you be my brother and be so dumb?' I groan standing up to go to my room to unplug my phone from the charger.

When I come downstairs Sam is closing his eyes and drumming some beat on the couch. 'I am going over to see Lisa and check if she needs anything' I tell him not bothering to see if he heard me.

............................

It takes me two minutes to reach Lily's house, the last time I was standing at this door was after Lily's funeral. I ring the doorbell before my mind takes me to that sad period. Just as I'm about to ring the doorbell again I hear footsteps on the other side of the door and Lisa opens up

"Vicky, Sam told me you are home" She says giving me a tight hug.

"Come in, it's good to see you" she adds holding my hand.

'I planned to come see you later, but Sam said you aren't feeling well. Did you take Ibuprofen?'

"Yes, the school nurse gave me some but the pain was not subsiding so I came home, do you mind if we go to my room?" I shake my head no and she pulls my hand.

The way she's clutching it, I could tell that she doesn't want to let go due to fear of my disappearing or leaving. She only lets go of my hand when we climb the stairs to her room, but after few seconds she looks over her shoulder to check if I'm still following her. We pass Lily's bedroom and I linger there for a few seconds before walking to where Lisa is standing looking at me.

"I miss her too" she says biting her lip then opens her bedroom. "I hope you don't mind joining me in bed, this cramps have me staying in bed with hot water bottle"

'It's okay sweet, how have you been coping?' Lisa climbs her bed and fiddles with her fingers, it's a habit she picked from Lily.

"Honestly, I have seen better days. Each day is different, but mum and dad have been with me through it all so it makes it easier. They recommended therapy and I ended going to therapy, my therapist keeps telling me that I should allow myself to feel every emotion and not to bottle it in" she says with a heavy sigh.

'It will get better' I smile at her and the look she gives me makes me wonder if she believes me.

"I'm blessed to have mum and dad here with me, but I also feel sorry for Liam. He has no one in Italy, I know you guys are close and understand each other than any of us can. So how do you think he is doing?"

'You know how Liam is. He acts tough, but deep down he is a big soft teddy bear. He will be okay'

'I brought you chocolate and snacks, the perfect cure for cramps. Let's watch something while we eat' I change the subject trying to lift the mood.

Lisa and I look through Netflix in search of something to watch. We settle on some animation that Lisa says Sam recommended. Halfway through the movie I hear Lisa heavy breathing and when I look at her she is fast asleep. I close the laptop and put it on Lisa's bedside table, then slowly get out of bed without waking her up and sneak out of the room.

I think of going back home, but decides otherwise when I pass Lily's bedroom. I slowly open it looks the same way she left it, we made so many memories in this room, so many secrets were shared in here and we shed a few tears in here too. A few times Lily sneaked out of this room to sleep over at mine and it was in this room where I had my first sleep over.

I walk over to her bedside table, there are a few fashion magazines that Layla bought for Lily, there's also a photo of Lily and her family. Lily's room book shelf is full of fashion magazines and novels, she was not much of a reader like I am but every now and again she would read romantic novels.

"I'm not getting any action so this novels will do" this was her answer each time I asked why she reads romantic novels yet she hates reading anything that doesn't talk about fashion.

I stay in here for a few minutes before deciding it's time to go home.

That night I had a nightmare, the same one I have been having since Lily's death. In the dream, we are back in New York and I am wearing a baby pink dress covered in so much blood one would think the dress is red. I am looking at the corpse on the floor, it's face keeps changing, one moment it's Lily then next it's me. I keep screaming and the body on the floor keeps saying it's all my fault.

Each time she screams that it's my fault I wake up. And today is no different from all the other times I have had this nightmare. I wake up covered in sweat and look at the time to find that it's after 4AM, around the same time Lily died.

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