Things I Can't Say Out Loud

Sept 17th, 2018 2:16am

You know the butterflies you get in your stomach when that someone's around. Or how your heart beats against your chest as if it's gonna bust out, or how you get nervous you tend to stutter but attempt to play it off

Those feelings I've been so afraid to let happen, and the trust I've been so unprepared for.

No not a relationship

But a crush

I've liked a girl before we were friends despite how much I liked her and she was aware. But we were close until the conversations weren't conversations anymore and her smiles to her death stares

I'm not worth the time of another person in a relationship because sooner or later it'd end

Do you really think these movies about fairy tail relationships last? No, the credits roll the love is no longer

And I'm not ready for that much heart break so I don't think I'm for someone

But I like someone

At least I think I do

I don't want to

I'm against the whole liking 2 people at once thing because I feel like I'm cheating even though the other hates me

But this new girl, call her DD

She's the kindest person I've met and was able to be friends with. Her hugs make my heart swell and stomach do summer salts

She hugs me everytime she sees me, she almost got in trouble once.

I was caught vaping in the school bathroom so she came into the office to hug me and the teacher yelled at her and she hugged me again before she left...

I'm not helping myself

I don't want to fall for someone new, I don't want to fall for anyone at all. I hate having these emotions

She has a boyfriend did I mention? He's also my friends friend—

I said sorry for cursing and I actually meant it but she didn't even ask me to stop like others and when someone would ask I'd say "oh shit sorry"

She has a small accident which is fucking adorable

I wasn't planning on going to school tomorrow but she ended up texting me

There's one thing I told my friends I'd never do because how fucking cheesy it is which is to match with my future girlfriend

But here I am tmr matching with her

This just scares me more, I barely know her but find myself waiting to see her in the hall

Also I walk her to her car everyday

But um, I'm scared, scared of being hurt...again but I'm ready for it because it's bound to happen.

I can't prevent it

Sincerely
             Asshole