Things I Can't Say Out Loud

Aug 29th, 2018 3:20am

Monday August 27th was my first day of 8th grade, a new school and I fucking hate it, let me explain

I went to a middle school that took me the first year to get used to and by 7th I was fine but then—it shut down due to lack of kids

So the first 2 weeks of school I missed because I got excepted into a private school but there was no seats so I waited and waited till I finally realized I need to get my ass in gear and go to a public school again

I don't like change I don't develop easily or nicely with change.

After finally fixing my figure and eating, I'm stressed.

This school is horrible, first 2 weeks of it already 7 fights. I don't want to put myself back into what I put myself into before.

My classes are fine except 1st period I'm in a group of petty girls...and my math honer roll class ofc has the one person I almost stayed out of school permanently for in it

My 6th and 7th grade crush and now 8th grade crush

When I'm stressed or worried I forget to eat. So the morning of I didn't eat not that I eat in the morning anyway but I didn't eat at school either because I don't like eating infront of people so my stomach was yelling at me

I'm beyond the definition of scared. I didn't feel ok till I was in my car on my way home

Walking the halls felt like cement waying down my stomach and my heart ready to beat its way out of my chest

I'm not easily intimidated by kids because 1. Ive had my experience with them and 2. You don't fuck with them they won't fuck with you...most of the time

But I'm scared of every child I pass except my friends ofc witch is the only time I feel safe and sometimes not even there's one class I don't know anybody in witch sucks

When I walked in I was late because my friend took me the wrong way but when I walked in this girl yelled out "is that a female" then soon after "she fine"

Which made the cement get heavier

I sit in the back of all my classes except 2 or 1 because it wasn't my permanent seat

My mums gonna try to withdraw me and do homeschool but till then I got to survive

But I've gotten so many questions about my sexuality and it didn't bother me because I'm used to it I just nodded avoiding conversation

I wish myself the best of fucking luck because knowing me, it's going to be a hell of a ride

Sincerely
             Asshole