Never meant to || fillie

You left ..

I woke up cold. which is wierd because its March, but i was still cold. and i know that i wouldnt have felt as cold if i hadnt woken up alone... I dont know where he went. but something told me he wasnt coming back. So before i can process what is happening, i got up, got dressed, gathered all my things,his were already gone, and i headed outside. i was ready to call an uber but his car was still parked outside. I didnt think much of it. i just grabbed the keys that were in the living room and starded heading back out.i dont want to look back. i dont want to face the truth right now. not at this moment. not while im alone.

about an hour later im pulling up to my house and i can see all my friends sitting in the kitchen table. I dont bother graving anything from the car. i run towards my friends and as i walk n i can see them all staring at me. not a confused one because im pretty sure they know what happend. cross that im certain they know what happend .. "Finn-" i let it out .. it hurts so much i cant even speak. but luckily Noah pulls me in to a hug before i can keep going. im feeling so many emotions right now. i feel so hurt and betrayed at the fact that he left me there. i feel so confused that he even left. i feel another 3 pair of arms wrapp around me and i cry just a bit louder. im grateful theyre here for me but this isnt how the morning is suppose to go. i shouldnt be hugging them ...

March 15 was the day i woke up to an empty space beside me. and a broken promise. you left me alone. you told me that you loved me and you left . its all bullshit. all of it is bull shit. You had our friends tell me .. You knew for 2 weeks but didnt say anything..i hate this.. i hate that at this moment even though youve hurt me i would forgive you if you asked me to... i hate that all i want is to wake up with you next to me... i want to look into yor beautiful brown eyes and touch your hair. and count every spot across your face. i want to hate you..

April 27 sadie drags me to a doctor. apperantly feeling like shit isnt normal after a break up. i have been feeling nauseous but i think its from crying alot... the doctor thinks other wise.... he gave me a reson to go on .. a reason to wake up everyday and smile.. You left about a month ago .. your career just took off ... as much as i hate you i want you happy.. i know a baby will just get in the way..

June 23 is the day i decicded to share the gender of the baby.. i made them all promise not tell you.. they are all against the idea but the day you left you gave up to anything having to do wth me. i made them promise you will never find out that by the end of november ill have a baby girl in my arms.

August 11 is when dad took me to my check up.. he cried when he heard her heart beat. i coldnt stop thinking about what your reaction would be.. i know dad noticed because the whole ride home was him trying to convince me to call you.. he almost did.

October 28 Our friends threw the baby a party. Sadie made all three of us matching shirts that wont fit her till shes probably 3 . Gaten told me that you called .. asking if i was ok... i havent forgiven you... i dont think i will.. you never asked for forgiveness so how can I?.... I will alway love you though.. their isn't a doubt in my mind . That night i went to the beach... just me and the baby. i told her about you.. how she most likely won't meet you because of your career .. about how we met .. and our first date.. I told her that if you knew you'd probably love her.

November 7 is the day.. she came a little earlier than expected but i didnt complain... i was excited to finally have her in my arms.. once again they all wanted to call you.. i wanted to say ok ... i wanted you here.. but i knew you where somewhere in new york probably signing your hear out .. .... At exactly 11:24 pm i heard her first cry.. and while i was in the room resting with everyone .. i felt so alone.. i want you here. i want you to see her and be proud ... she is stuning. i cant tell yet who she looks like but i knw she defenetly has your hair. Caleb was the one who convinced me she needed to have your last name. i didnt see the point in it but i agreed to it anyway.. i know you cant hear me Finn .. but meet Isabel Wolfhard Harbour.... our  babygirl..