Never meant to || fillie

You're Millie

Driving to my mothers felt like a three hour drive. I took every minute of those hours in and I tried to clear my head. But the drive home? It felt as if the road was stretched out a million miles, yet it felt like I'd get there soon. And when I do get there, the first thing I'd do is run to my little Isabel and ask for forgiveness. To forgive me for the way I've been hurting her. For leaving without a word. For not being the mother she needed me to be , because Im the only one hurting and I know that now.

"Millie? Honey where were you? I tried calling you all day." I walk in to see Sadie running towards me. Her face stained with fresh tears that send me into a panic.
" Sadie what's wrong? Is he okay? Oh god did-"

"He's awake millie it's just- wait millie there's something you have to know."
I try to run passed her. Try to make my way to his room.

" whatever it is Sadie it can wait. I need to see my daughter and I have to see him."

" Millie listen to me." Sadie pulls my arm and stands in front of me. She holds both of my arms and I can see her eyes begin to water.

"He doesn't remember" she chokes out, tightening her grip on my arms.

" what do you mean he doesn't remember. Like he doesn't remember what happened?" At this she lets go of my arm and instead pulls me in for a hug.

" he doesn't t remember anything. He doesn't remember his family, his friends, Isabel, you, he doesn't even know who he is Millie."

How many times can a heart break in a day? How many times can my world shatter?

I pull away from Sadie and walk towards his room without a word. My mind too cluttered with questions, I don't even know what to ask. So I say nothing, instead I walk. My mind drowning out all sounds. I hear nothing but my footsteps and my breath. Both speeding up at the thought of him not knowing who he is. Not knowing who loves him . Not being able to understand how much he mean to everyone. Not understand how he's changed the life of every single person he's ever encountered.

As I round the corner of the room I hear a sweet voice singing, i don't want to leave her now, with those lyrics my heart sinks further. My sweet baby is singing to her dad. Isabel is the one singing to the man who usually sings for other to heal.

I walk in and see her sitting by his side in the bed, cradling his cheek. Running her hands and poking at each freckle she encounters, him looking at her, examining her. I can see in his eyes he wants so desperately to know who she is. to understandably he loves her.

" mommy!" Isabel jumps off the bed and into my arms embracing me in a tight hug.

" daddy hit his head and is now sick. Can you help him get better like you help me?i tried to do what you do but I don't think I have special powers like you. " She looks at me with desperate eyes as they begin to get a bit water and I find my eyes doing the same.

"How about we tell your dad a story." Isabel nods and I set her down. I look up finally looking at those eyes I fell for. Except they weren't those same eyes. They were once filled with hope and wonder. Just one look and you'd see how ready he was to take in the world. But now... now those eyes are empty. No sign of the life they've lived, no sign of the love and pain they've gone through. His eyes full of dreams now hold despair.

"You're Millie. This little munchkins mom."

Do you know the pain of someone you love not remembering you. All the memories you shared, gone.

"And you're Finn, the munchkins dad."
I can see a small smile tug at his lips as he takes in a deep breathe.

"So what can you remember?"
Isabel takes her spot next to Finn on the bed once again and I sit on the chair next to him.

"So far my parents and Malcom. I remember that music is a huge part of my life and I remember some of my friends. The doctors say with my meds and you guys talking to me I should be able to remember some stuff." I nod and take a breathe. Try to think of the perfect story to tell him. I look over at Isabel and it clicks

" I'm guessing it's my turn?" Finn nods and both Isabel and him snuggle up as I reach over and place my hands on the bed.

"The moment I realized you were going to be someone special was when I saw you in concert. The moment you stepped on that stage, you just mesmerized everyone in that room with the way you sang. But the moment I knew you'd be someone special to me was when I was pushed out on stage with you while you guys played don't let me down. While dancing I looked over at you and I forgot about the world around us. It's cliche I now but it's how I felt, like there was no one but us dancing around that stage. From that moment I knew I always wanted you in my life. For the year we were together my life felt complete. Everything was perfect-"

I contemplated on whether or not I should mention the time he left in front of Isabel, but I know Finn needs to hear everything.

" it was perfect until the day I woke up by myself. I can still remember how cold I was. I got up and didn't question what was happening, I somehow knew you had left me there. I wanted to hate you. For a while I wanted to forget that year of my life. I wanted to forget our first date, our first kiss, I wanted to forget the night before when you told me you loved me. I wanted to hate you but I knew I couldn't. I knew that if you just came back to me that I'd take you back in heart beat because I love you, but I didn't want to love you. And because of that I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped eating, I was always sick and I just thought it was normal. But then Sadie dragged me to the doctors office and that's where I found out you never truly left me alone. This little munchkin was a reminder of the best year of my life. I wanted you gone, I wanted you to leave because I didn't want to face my feelings. Finn I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happened. Please come back to me Finnie."

Tears roll down my eyes once again as I lay my head on the bed and for the dust time since he came home, he hugs me. His smell is so intoxicating I never want to pull away. I feel another pair of arms wrap around us both and I try to control my cry.

"I'm trying millie. I really am."

Hello, I'm back! I was stuck in how to keep going and we'll know I know how! Also I've stated a one shot book (losing hope) based on songs so if you have any suggestions let me know!

Oh and fun fact: I found out my birthday is on mileven day! How cute is that? Anyway enjoy lovelies❤️