Samurai's Kryptonite ft JiaMich (Julia Morado-Michelle Morente)

Chapter 19: I am jealous...WHAT?

 J I A

I am here sa library, doing my homework. 

I am here, not mainly because i have to do what i am doing now but because i need peace. 

I need to think.

I am here because..

"Uy Mich!"

"Ssssshh. Sa lib tayo, remember?"

Yes, i am here sa library to uhhhh.. well, not stalking but..well, who am i kidding? I am here to see Mich. But she doesn't know i am here too. 

We were in two different corners of the room.

Wonder why i hear their conversation? 

I have bionic ears, you know. Especially on this kind of circumstances.

I know i have the chance to see her later sa training but i don't know, i have this feeling na i need to see her.

Maybe because, i miss her? Or maybe because..

"Ano ba, Mich. Hahaha. Yan tuloy, mali na nasulat ko. Stop hugging me. Stop being clingy. Haha."

Please stop.

I feel like i wanted to throw up witnessing this moment but i wanted to stay.

"By the way El, can you please come with me sa Booksale? I need to buy a book. I heard kay Kim, meron daw dun eh. I need to read it."

We used to do that. We used to go together to that store. Just her and me.

"Ano? Date na naman El? Haha. Di ka ba nauubusan ng pera? Pero wala eh, rich kid tayo eh. Haha. Sige na nga."

I feel like my heart's been crumpled but i don't want to go.

So, here i am, being a masochist and all. 

I don't know what to do, or didn't know what im doing until..

"Uhh. Ji? Are you having an unspoken angst toward that pen or what?" - Bea

"What pen? Oh."

The pen, it was nearly broken into two.

"Ji?" As Bea said this, she turned around and said, 

"Now, i get it. Hahaha. Hi Mich!" 

Hinila ko siya bigla.

"Bakit mo tinawag?" sigaw ko na pabulong

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"She's not supposed to know that im here!"

"Whyyyyy?"

"Because i don't want her to!"

"Okay, okay. Chill. But back to the pen, why is it nearly broken into two?"

"What? I was only thinking of something."

"Something? Or someone?"

"I am thinking of my Philo class, okay?"

"As far as i could remember, there wouldn't be a reason for you to make that pen divides into two."

"Nearly broken. Yung prof ko kasi, mali daw sinulat ko, eh sabi naman nila essay eh. Opinion ko yun. Pero ang baba ng binigay na grades kaya ayun."

"Ah, really?"

"Uh-huh."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I. am. not."

"Yes. you. are. Walang ginawang essay sa Philo class."

"Meron."

"Walang binigay si Prof Ryan."

"Meron nga. Kulit"

"Eh, san pala ako nung binigay yun? Sa mars?"

Lagot na.

"Classmates tayo sa Philo, remember?"

"Oo na. Oo na. You win."

"So, what now?"

"What?"

"Sasabihin mo o tatawagin ko? Ah, ayaw mo sabihin. Sige, Mi ---"

I grabbed her instantly para hindi niya maituloy yung sasabihin niya.

But then, na out-balance siya kaya ayun, napayakap sa akin.

"Aray naman Ji. Sakit sa boobs yun ah."

"Nahiya naman ako. As if meron. Hahaha."

"ANONG SABI MO?!"

"Two ladies there at the corner, please remember you're in the library."

"Sorry miss."

"Ikaw kasi eh!"

"Nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo. Pero seriously, sorry. Haha."

"Ayan, dapat ganyan."

"Huh?"

Then, hinawakan niya yung mukha ko. 

Looked into my eyes.

Touched the corner of my lips, then she formed it na parang nakangiti.

"Yan, dapat ganyan. Julia Morado should always smile. Not frown, or cry. Smile."

M I C H

As much as i want to keep my eyes off of it, i just can't.

I saw how Bea accidentally hugged Jia.

I saw how Bea looked into Jia's eyes.

I saw how Bea touched the corner of Jia's lips.

I saw how Jia genuinely smile to Bea.

That smile which, she only give to those people na she truly cared and loved. Chosen people, kumbaga.

As much as it hurts, i cannot do something about. Anything about it.

All i could do, is to witness that heartbreaking moment infront of me, and cry my heart out. But i can't do this here. So i grabbed El out of the library and went to my car.

Here, i am free to let this silly little tears out of my eyes.

Here, i am free to cry my heart out without worrying what other people might think.

In here, i can freely shout what my heart wanted to shout back there in the library and that is, 

"I LOVE HER BUT I CANNOT TELL HER THAT BECAUSE I AM SCARED."

"Scared of what? You know, you need to let it out. You have to tell her."

"No, i can't. She can't know. Lalayuan niya ako."

"But what do you think would be the result ng ginagawa mo ngayon? You're pushing her away."

 "Because im scared enough to be with her everyday, what if hindi ko na makaya and i'd tell her ng wala sa oras? She'd run away. She'd be out of my life."

"Malapit na Mich if you keep continuing this. You gotta make a move! And i mean, NOW."

But i really don't know what to do now.