Over the next few days, I didn't speak to anyone. I didn't eat, and I rarely drank. I just sat on Luke's bed, my back against the wall, my knees to my chest whilst holding his favourite flannel shirt.
I felt ridiculously empty, I'd never felt like this before. It was horrendous.
Part of me wondered what I'd do if Luke died. 'People's partners die all the time, how do they get over it?' Was a question I couldn't stop thinking about.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that they never get over it. They just have to move on with their lives, but they never properly get over it.
Time is cruel like that. No matter what happens, you never really get enough time. For example, if someone important to you dies, you never get enough time to get over it. Time pushes you on. Time rushes you and pulls you away from the memories. If time slowed down, maybe I would be able to get over Luke if he died. But at that moment, it felt as though I couldn't go on.
Another thing I find bizarre is oblivion. It's strange. Somebody, somewhere right now has just lost their mother, father, brother, sister, wife, husband, child... Their whole world is falling apart. Yet, we know nothing about this person's horrific loss. We just continue with our day, like nothing has ever happened, like our world isn't falling apart. And suddenly, I realised, people were going about their daily business, whilst I couldn't even attempt going about mine.
