A few more weeks passed, and his condition wasn't improving. I was sat next to him, and took out the guitar. "Hey, look. I learnt some songs on guitar. They're not brilliant, but I've spent ages on it, so..here."
I played Gotta Get Out, and sang with it. After I'd done, I sighed, putting down the guitar and slumping in the chair. "I just need you to wake up."
On the drive home, The Only Reason came on. I could barely breathe and my chest felt tight. I pulled over and slammed my first against the steering wheel. "Fucks sake," I said, my voice shuddering, I was shaking because I was crying so much. "I hate this, I just want Luke." I pressed my head against the steering wheel.
'When I close my eyes and try to sleep, I fall apart and find it hard to breathe..'
"I can't do this anymore," I cried in despair. I punched the radio and it stopped playing. I leaned back in my seat and and my breathing rate increased like crazy.
I got home a lot later than planned. "I just. I I can't I can't do it. I can't keep pretending that I'm okay, because I'm not!" I shouted at Zoe.
"Look. He's going to be okay? You can do it, you're stronger than this."
"Am I? Am I really? Because I don't think I am. How do we know that he's going to be okay? We don't." I sat down on the sofa, my head in my hands.
"He'll make it. He will. You have to stay strong. I understand that 'Stay Strong' is all you've been hearing, but you need to make sure you do stay strong, Holly," Ashton told me.
"I just miss him so much," I said, my tears still not subsiding.
"I know, I know. But he will be okay." I managed to steady my breathing after minutes of trying. "Fancy some pizza?" Ashton winked.
I smiled, "Sure."
As we were ordering, I shouted up the stairs, "Luke, what pizza do you want?" I didn't get a reply so I walked back into the lounge, "Have you seen Luke, I..?" I stopped, as my chest tightened. "Oh God. I'm sorry. I.. I just, I forgot." I held my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut. Calum put his arm around me, "Hey, it's okay. I've done it too. It's okay."
I didn't eat much pizza, but it tasted so good. That night, we received another call- it was from the hospital. "We have some news, about Luke. Would you like to come down to the hospital? And we can tell you?" "Uhh, yeah. I'll come down." I hung up the phone. "They have some news about Luke, I'm going down. You all coming with me?"
"Yeah, we'll all go," Calum replied.
