TF2 x Reader OneShots

How did the pool thing go

Me, fioeta, spyla, skylar, brutal and pure went to a public water park...or something...this is how it went

(For those who dont know, fioeta, skylar and spyla are my children....before you get anyweird thoughts...im still a virgin 😂😂....idk about pure tho...pfftt..)

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Me: *at the kiddie pool watching over the children with pure* ah damn i forgot the floaty for Fioeta.

Pure: *takes off his mask and combs his hair back* where did ou forget it?

Me: back home...

Fioeta: *clinging on my arm* Mother can i get out now...im scared...its touching me...its cold...mother im scared...

Me: *sits him by the stairs*

Fioeta: *Starts to float away*

Me: oh boi...

Fioeta: *Trying not to scream* m-mother...

Me: *pulls him back*

Pure: i'll go buy one from that shop over there *gets out of the pool and Walks off*

Me: *pats fioeta* dont worry fio papa's gonna get a floaty for you so you wont drown and die (Best mom award xD)

-lets check what brutal's doin-

Brutal: *Backflips into a 7ft pool*

-now lets see what the fuck happened with pure-

Pure: *Gets the rubbe floaty*

Spyla and skylar: *grabs pures arm* papa papa can we get some icecream!! *poins at the ice cream booth

Pure: ofcourse *walks with them to the booth*

-meanwhile-

Brutal: *Gets in the kiddie pool* g'day sheila

Me: oh hey brutal,

Fioeta: *trying his best not to float away*

Brutal: oi wheres the kids, and the spook

Me: ah the two went to go buy icecream and pures off buying fio a floaty.

Brutal: looks loike the lads terrifide

Me: *pats fioeta*

Spyla and skylar: *comes back with five icecreams and gives all of us an ice cream*

Me: wheres your father

Spyla: he's still paying the ice cream man

brutal: *gets put of the pool and walks off*

-little later-

*pure still hasnt retured*

Me:.....where is he... *gets out of the water*

Fioeta: *floats away* m-mother dont leave

Me: Skylar, spyla take care of your older brother for a second...im gonna go find your father *walks off*

-with pure-

two women were 'talking' with pure.

Pure:..... *sighs*

???: *notices the flower ring on pures hand* oh did you kids make that, being a single father must be so wonderful

Pure: i never-

????: so how come your not looking for a wife?

Pure: i-

Me: *is behind the two girls death stareing at pure*

Pure: *Shuts his mouth and backs away*

Me: *Pulls the girls by their hair* oH sOrRy ThErE gIrLs bUt wHaT tHe fUcK dO yOu tHinK yOuR dOiNg WiTh mY hUsBand.

???: h-husband

????:Husband???

Pure: i kept telling ou i'm married...

Me: WhAt mAdE yOu tHiNk He WaSnT?

???: theres no ring-

Me: *pulls harder* bitch that ring is our wedding ring

????: wow you are so cheap bet you two're living in a dump

Me: *Pulls harder* Ohoho~ look whos talkin....*lets go of both of them* bitch we can fite about this.

???: oh..your his wife?... your so short i though you were one of his kids *laughs*

Pure: oh fuck now you've done it *Backs the fuck away*

Me:....haha~ very funny~ ....you know atleast im not made of plastic, *pull out a bobby pin from my hair and pokes her chest*

???: *her chest pops*

Me:......oh...my...*laughs* really.....oh my god you cant be serious *Pops the other one to*

*both the girls run away from embarassment*

Pure: *hideing behind a Fake palm tree*

Me: *crosses my arms* explain

Pure: they...held me up and flirted with me....and they touched me a bit.

Me: wheres the damn daggers im gonna stab her v-

Pure: *Pulls me back* Its fine Its fine!!

Me: Bitch it aint

Pure:...wait...are ou jealous

Me:.....*walks off*

-later-

*ride home*

Brutal: well oi had fun

Me: i had fun popping fake breasts...litterally

Brutal: *Makes a pop noise*

Me: Exactly~