Kya Pyaar Karoge Mujhse....

Chapter 39- My Bare Heart

Annika took a minute to think before she could reply to his question.

What could she say she was afraid of? There were so many things to be scared of, to be cautious about. Her future, her daughter's future, her feelings, her sanity, her heart.

And how did he know she was afraid? Oh who was she kidding, this man could read her like an open book!

She gulped as she looked at his blue, questioning eyes which held curiosity in them and looked away.

"Some things. Everything." She said finally, slowly, not caring if she made sense. "I won't say I am afraid but more of...concerned about...them."

"Can you tell me...what are you concerned about?" He asked again and she looked at him.

"Why are you asking me all this?" She asked with a soft shrug. "What does it matter now?"

"It matters. Last time, I failed to ask you this question and lost you." He said and looked down, trying to hide his tears. "I am just trying to...rectify what I did wrong."

"Shivaay I-

"I am not asking you to come back to me." He shook his head. "I am asking because...I really want to know."

She took a deep breath as she licked her dry lips and nodded. Could she say? And she decided that she could. Because he deserved to know.

"I am afraid of uncertainty, of losing control of my life, my head, my heart." She said. "I am concerned about what will happen if I don't control my decisions like I did four years ago. Leaving you, as harsh as it may sound, was one of the best decisions of my life but also...the most painful one. Closing that door opened so many others for me. I took my life in my hands, took the power that you held on my heart and used it for myself. But when I saw you again...I was so, so scared. I was scared that you'll again...rule my heart and I will destroy myself as I almost did many years ago. You asked me what I was afraid of? I am afraid of myself."

Shivaay looked at her as she laid her bare heart in front of him.

"I am afraid of what I am capable of doing for you, when I am with you. And I do not want to be that Annika again. I cannot be that Annika again. I have to be strong...for myself, for my daughter. I want to be the one on whom she looks upon. I don't want to be weak." She said and bit her lip hard, trying not to cry. "You know; she was like me. An orphan. And also, an illegitimate. Her parents were in love but they...died and her family refused to accept her because they weren't married. And the day I saw her, I fell in love with her. And I knew you would too. I see that in your eyes, when you are with her. When I saw you again, a very, very small part of my heart hoped...that we could be...could start afresh. I considered it." She chuckled and looked at him. "But then I thought, would you still love me when you knew I was a mother to an orphan, illegitimate child? Would you still love me if I told you I would never go back to India? Would you still love me if I told you I wanted to live here for the rest of my life? Would you still love me if I told you that I never want your mother near my daughter, ever? Harsh, right?"

Shivaay heard her in silence, understanding her fears. He never knew she was so affected by his presence, he believed that she hated him for coming here but it was not so. She didn't hate him, she just hated the disturbance he could bring in her life in mere seconds. He did not feel angry or upset with her. All he felt was...relief that she didn't hate him.

"I would." He said and she frowned.

"What?" She asked, shaking her head.

"I would...still love you. Even if Shivi was your daughter with...another man, I would still love her as my own. And I don't care where you live, I just want to...be with you. And I swear to God I do not want Pinky Oberoi a foot near Shivi." He said truthfully as she looked at him with teary eyes. "You say you are scared? Multiply that by a hundred and you'll get what I am feeling."