Angels Cry (Before You Exit - Toby Mcdonough)

Chapter 61

Days has pass by quickly and before you knew it, your experiencing a new exciting journey again.

It was the new year. Twenty fourteen has finally arrived and I don't know what is install in my life. Last year was where my story had just begun, a new chapter had unfold where Toby comes entering my horrible life. Kelsie and I turned out to be friends and Liz and Janelle are still both my two greatest best girlfriend any girl could ever ask for. The sad thing is that Liz had left back to Australia and I miss her terribly. Janelle was still here with me and we hung out practically almost everyday. Sometimes we would hang over at Kelsie's because she would constantly invite us over as she is lonely. She said and I quote 'my brother is no fun! His friends are douche'.

So that's that. And now, I am so excited for what I have to discover now. Though I have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad will happen to me. When days like this comes, I would write sad letters to my love ones, like I have already told you before. I wrote each and every person a short letter but fill with my emotions. Toby's was one of the longest but I wouldn't consider it long. I have many more things to say but then that would end up as a grandmother story which I think he wouldn't want to read that when my death comes.

I am scared of the oblivious. Like you would not know what will happen next and maybe what you're waiting for would turn out something you didn't planned it to happen. Though I cherish life a lot now. Every second and every moment that has happen. All the letters I have written are kept in a shoe box under my bed. I hope that my mum will somehow find it and eventually pass out the letters to everyone, including herself. I did write a note saying to give it to everyone once she finds it and clear everything up in my room.

When I die, I don't know what to look forward for. Like will I be trap here on earth and be a lost soul? Or am I able to rise up to heaven to reunite with my dad? Birds were chirping loudly outside my window and I was sitting on my bed, writing some crappy story on my diary but lost track and wondered how will my funeral be like. Will I be there in a soul? Or am I still somewhere wandering around this place called purgatory? I would be lying if I said I am not scared to be in that world alone. What will happen to me? What is it like in there?

I decide not to let this horrible thoughts come invading my innocent mind and came to a decision that I should go for a walk. I grab my cell phone and my earphone and went straight out of the door. My mum didn't mind because she knows that I am always heading to the park for some breather. I like to be alone. Just for awhile though and not having to carry a weight on my shoulder. I kicked a few pebble stone on the pavement and bob my head to the rhythm of the music that was playing on my phone.

Finally, I reach the park and went to sat down on the bench. I watch as the birds flew by and dragon flies flying around the grass. I breathe in and held it there for two seconds before letting out. Then repeating the same thing again.

What is life without your love ones when you're dead?

A question came by my mind. I thought hard and long about it because it really got me there. Where will I be without Toby? He helped me out so much. And I don't know how can I thank him enough. I am scared of dying because then I know I won't be able to see him again. But that doesn't stop me from watching him from above the high clouds. How is he able to cope though? Is he going to go into depression? Well I did stated in the letter saying not to go through depression just because of me. I hope he doesn't and that he listens to me, even if I was in a soul state.

I realised I was crying by then. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks, staining the wooden table but soon evaporates. I am scared of leaving him. I am scared of seeing him in pain during my funeral. I am scared of seeing him tear up whenever he hears the songs we both love and always play whenever we lounge around his room. I am scared of him being scared to live life without me being by his side when I promised to stay by his.

I am scared. The word 'scared' even freaks me out. I hate it. I fear of it. Quickly I wipe my tears away but my blurry vision stays. I stood up from the bench and walk back home sniffing softly. I started to run across the road. My blurry vision made it hard for me to see it clearly so I trip over a tin canned and fell. I suck in a breath before trying to hoist myself up but to my luck, a truck came honking from behind me. It was loud and clear and it was yelling at me to move out of the way but I couldn't move a muscle. Nor could I speak. I turn to look back around and saw the headlights coming closer to me. It was as if death was approaching me.

I sat frozen on the road, unable to do anything but to sit and stare as it hit me. I heard a man and a lady shouting, "Oh my god." By then, I was on the road lying down. My eyes starts to flicker close but I tried keeping them open. I felt the agony pain stinging my entire body. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe properly either. I tried gaping for air but can't. I heard my familiar mum's voice came shouting in horror and her feet running towards me. She had on a shock expression and look at me with a terrifying look. It was like she just saw part of her life being taken away. Then, a man came running towards us and kept telling my mum something but couldn't come to a piece of what on earth they were arguing.

A few more shouting came and my name was being called out with a shriek. I squinted my eyes and saw Toby. He stood there staring at me like he just seen a ghost. He soon realised and came rushing towards me.

"Rose? Rose! No don't close your eyes or anything! Stay awake. Stay alive!" He encourage me. I was trying my very best. He place a long lingering kiss on my forehead. I felt like I could not even feel his lips on me. It was like my body has been under a numb spell. I was hurting. Every part of my body it was hurting.

With my one last breath, "I love you..Toby." And my eyes just shuts close. I was finally in peace but I was still feeling really scared. Sirens soon came flooding in, filling my ears with a lot of noise and more yelling from the background came out but all I knew was a blank screen came to me and a very bright light came towards me...