I am exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel- Unknown
Why? Why cant you just leave me alone? Why me? What made you decide it was my life you wanted to destroy? You prevent me from doing the things i love. You leave all these negative thoughts rushing through m y mind and they just don't stop. You make me think my friends hate me and they don't actually want to be my friend, that they're just pretending to be my friend, because they feel sorry for me.
The thoughts are there for no reason but you make it feel like the world's going to end.
Go home..nobody wants you here
your clothes makes you look disgusting
so and so are talking about you...
they don't want to talk to you
they keep looking at you like the freak you are
They're staring at you because they're making fun of you
You will never be loved
Of course you failed, you're a failure.
Why do you find joy in torturing me and my mind? I didn't ask for you. You showed up one day, asking to be my friend. Being the naive person i am, i accepted. Just like depression. I didn't realize or understand what i was getting myself into. You said you would protect me, love me. You know what you make me feel though? You make me feel like I'm drowning and no matter how hard i try to reach up into the surface, you're always there pulling me back down. Every time. It's exactly the same feeling with depression, except depression is worse. You're actually more of a veil dragging me away from reality and into a dark space I can't get out of. You'll make me feel this way at any time and any place, when you feel it's necessary, which in my case, is most of the time. It's like it fuels energy into you. Some days you're bad and others I figure out a way to tolerate you. But the days where I can tolerate it are extremely rare. I can't get rid of you and it's killing me.
My leg constantly shakes and I pick at my lips.
Having depression is bad enough, but add anxiety to the mix?
Having both is hell.
Thank you Anxiety, for completely destroying my life.
YOU ARE READING
In Order to Stay Alive, I Think I Have to Kill My Mind
Non-FictionTRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ This is your trigger warning. Please do not read any further if you are easily triggered. I began writing this book in 2018 when I was at one of the worst times in my life. I am still writing it in 2020, and am hoping to write i...
