In case of those who don't know, trichotillomania is a hair pulling disorder where people pull, tug or twirl a strand/s of hair. People pull out from their scalp, their eyebrows, their eyelashes, leg hairs, arm hairs and sometimes even pubic hair.
The first time I remember pulling my hair out was when I was in Year 5 (11-12 years old). I was sitting in Japanese class when all of a sudden I brushed my fingers across my eyebrows and pulled a couple of them out. Over the next few weeks, I continued to pull out my eyebrows and leg hairs. I told my mum I was losing my eyebrows and she told me to stop being silly. My eyebrows didn't grow because I was always picking them out. I got bullied for it and I thought I was the only person with it. I had no idea what it was until I searched it up on the internet in 8th grade and found out it was an actual thing.
Around March/April of this year (2018), I began to pull the hair from my scalp. It didn't hurt and I enjoyed the feeling of it. I still pull from my scalp and it's getting worse. I am getting a bald patch on my head and I want to stop, but it's such a difficult task.
Sometimes I do it consciously and sometimes I do it subconsciously, until someone points it out. I've tried doing things to distract me, I've tried techniques, but nothing is working at the moment. When I pull the hair out and there's a follicle on the end, I enjoy studying it. Sometimes I brush it against my lips because I like the coolness of it.
I find loose hairs on my bedroom floor and I don't realize how much I've pulled out. This is one of the many reasons I hate myself. Some of you may think it's weird, and I agree. If I was not me and I saw someone pulling their hair out, I would think it was strange, if I had no idea that it was a condition others suffer with.
I've tried so many strategies in order to stop, but it's difficult. The sad thing is, there hasn't been a lot of research done or any cures or medications found to help because it's such a rare condition. Sure, there's information on the internet, but not enough in order for people to understand. Around a month ago, I shaved my head, in order to reduce the pulling. It's helped so much. Now that my hair is growing back, (faster than I expected), it's getting easier to grip. I don't use tweezers or anything, I usually use my fingers. I've kept my fingernails short so I don't grip them and it's helping. If anyone has any questions, please just ask and I'll try to answer them as best I can.
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In Order to Stay Alive, I Think I Have to Kill My Mind
Non-FictionTRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ This is your trigger warning. Please do not read any further if you are easily triggered. I began writing this book in 2018 when I was at one of the worst times in my life. I am still writing it in 2020, and am hoping to write i...
